


Of Pictures and Love Notes

by alecgbane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Actor James Potter, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Model Lily Evans, Model Sirius Black, Photographer Remus Lupin, modelling au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:20:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecgbane/pseuds/alecgbane
Summary: Everyone stares at Sirius as if he were the sun and they were the planets. He walks the catwalk confidently, and everyone swoons. Sirius has everything; he has fame, he has beauty, he has money, he has friends. Nonetheless, he does not have love. And there is nothing Sirius Black wants more than true love.Remus Lupin, though, is not ready for that kind of commitment.Or...Sirius Black is a world-famous model who decides to leave the family business and start a career on his own. He never thought this would lead him to find love - much less that the love of his life would be a handsome photographer who was not willing to love him back.Modern AU - Sirius, Regulus and Lily are models. Remus is a photographer with a strange working method. James is an actor.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 64
Kudos: 161





	1. Chapter 1

"Sirius, why don't you move a bit to the left? There, excellent! And now, Regulus, stretch your right leg. Ah, amazing!" 

Sirius tries not to cringe at the enthusiasm of the photographer in front of them and instead focuses on giving her his best mysterious gaze. His arm itches, the velvet not being very friendly to his skin. He is wearing black velvet trousers that match with his unbuttoned shirt. Regulus, on the other hand, is in only white pants. He feels Regulus' eyes on him but chooses to ignore them. Mary, the 52 years old photographer keeps taking pictures of them, and Sirius, used to the flash almost blinding him, keeps staring directly at it. Regulus is looking at him, as it was directed by Mary, who is trying to capture the intensity of their bond. _I'd be amazed if there's any emotion in Regulus' eyes_ , Sirius thinks. He blinks, trying to keep his feelings out of his mind. 

  
After another twenty minutes, Mary tells them it's been enough and Sirius groans, happy to be able to stretch again. Regulus leaves immediately to their dressing room and Sirius stalls for a while, not wanting to be alone in the same room with him. Frank Longbottom, who deals with the lighting, grins at him and Sirius walks to him. He does so confidently, even seductively. Frank arches an eyebrow, but when he talks, there's a hint of amusement in his voice.

  
"Hey, Black. Well done."

  
Sirius puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and feels the man shiver under him. Sirius smirks. "Hey, Longbottom. Please tell me the lighting was so bad that my little brother won't be seen in the pictures." Frank laughs loudly and Sirius feels the pleasing vibration in his hand.

  
"No, mate. Sorry." Sirius pouts jokingly, and Frank roars with laughter again. "Next time. I promise."

  
Sirius winks and grabs a red drink a brunette woman hands him out of nowhere. He swallows it down rapidly, never breaking the contact between his eyes and Frank's. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Regulus is back, fully dressed and ready to go. 

"So, Longbottom. Gotta go. You coming tonight, right?"

  
Frank looks puzzled for a moment, and then he smiles ruefully. "I was not invited."

  
"What?" Sirius asks, sounding upset. "Well, you are coming. Just say your name. I'll put you on the list. It's a big night. I want witnesses."

  
He does not give the man time to thank him, nor to even smile at him. He heads to the dressing room, completely ignoring his brother. He changes quickly and grabs his helmet from the table in the middle of the room. When he goes back to the studio, Regulus looks furious but, again, Sirius does not acknowledge him. Together, they leave. Once outside, Regulus enters the car their parent had sent to him. Sirius heads to his bike.

  
"Don't be an asshole, come here," Regulus shouts over the deafening traffic noise.

  
Sirius lifts his middle finger at him and gets on the bike. "See you tonight, little brother." 

  
And with that, Sirius starts the engine and hurries away from the younger Black, his insults fading into thin air as Sirius drives away. 

* * *

  
"Fuck."

  
The man under him collapses on the bed, but Remus keeps thrusting into him, the hint of orgasm making him shiver. He pounds into the man, who is moaning under him, and belatedly, Remus comes. He effortlessly hits the mattress and stares at the ceiling. He is breathing densely and moves away when he feels the man - Benjy, Remus remembers - stroking his back.

He grabs his previously - with great eagerness - discarded boxers and puts them on. Benjy is still lying in bed, exposed, beaming and with no intention of leaving, which, in Remus' opinion, he was supposed to have done as soon as they had finished. Remus delicately takes his camera in his hands and snaps it at Benjy, who is stunned for a moment by the flash that hits him in the face, but still poses. _Models_ , Remus thinks while suppressing a sardonic laugh, _camera whores_. Benjy finally gets up and hugs him from behind. Remus' eyes widen and swiftly gets himself free from the unwanted embrace.

  
"What are you doing?" Remus asks with no heat in his voice. Benjy is looking at him, afraid he did something wrong. "This is not like that." He clarifies.

  
The man rolls his eyes. "I know that. I just wanted to hug you."

  
Remus does not suppress his laugh this time, and Benjy looks offended. "This was a work thing. I don't do hugs with my clients."

  
Benjy snickers this time, while putting his clothes on. "But you fuck them?" he exclaims, fury coming out of his mouth as if he were a dragon breathing fire.

  
"It's part of the job," Remus states soberly, unmoved by his attitude.

  
Benjy puffs and Remus wonders why he is so loud and why, by all means, he is still here. "Care to explain?"

  
Remus closes his eyes in annoyance and sighs but complies. "My new collection is all about intimacy. I try to make a connection with the model, either by fucking them or by talking to them about personal stuff. Happy? I explained it to you in the interview."

  
Benjy stares at him and shakes his head, exasperated. "You did not explain it in such vivid detail. What makes you choose between fucking us or talking to us?"

  
"How interesting they are." Benjy looks at him, expecting more than that. "If I think they are interesting enough to listen to, I ask them about their life. If not, I create a physical connection with them."

  
The other man laughs cynically. "Are you calling me uninteresting?"

  
"Yes. And now I am asking you to leave." He says, opening the door. Benjy huffs and then leaves, not without muttering audibly _stupid photographers_.

* * *

Marlene is roaring with laughter, and everyone is staring at her. Remus flushes and continues attacking his salad, but he not so incidentally kicks her under the table. They are in a mall, eating cheap shitty salads in the food court and Remus just recounted his experience with Benjy. Marlene has been laughing for five minutes now, not even stopping to breathe. 

  
"You literally..." She snorts. "...opened your door..."

  
"I was having a bad day." He intervenes, although the sound of his voice is lost in another chortle of hers.

  
"...And told him to leave." She concludes, eventually stopping laughing. There are tears in her cheeks.

  
Remus shakes his head, yet smirks fondly at her. She is the only friend he has in London. They had met at an art gallery, where Remus was taking photographs with his new camera, which was gifted by an old girlfriend of his back in that time - Hestia. 

  
Remus reminisces meeting his friend. He had taken a picture of her, struck by the passion and intensity with which he was looking at the paintings. The flash of the camera had woken her up from some kind of dream she was having. She got enraged at Remus for interrupting her, and he apologized for it a million times, which did not work. She only calmed down when Remus showed her the picture. She had stared at it, dumbstruck, for some minutes. Then, she asked him to send it to her, claiming it was so wondrous she wanted to post it in Instagram right that minute.

  
Ever since then, they have been inseparable. 

  
Marlene is also his assistant, which sometimes works out perfectly but other times not so much. And his last collection, which is about intimacy and connecting with the model, has been the target of criticism from his friend, who does not agree with his work method since she points out that it is "unhealthy".

  
He knows Marlene is only looking out for him, but he also knows that he has suffered many other things that have been more damaging. This is nothing. It is just a scratch, and above all, it is a scratch that he is causing himself. He chose this method and that is what he loves so much. He feels free for the first time in a very long time.

  
"So, is he still up for the photoshoot?"

  
Remus shrugs and takes a sip of some tasty green drink Marlene picked for him. "I guess so. Call him tomorrow to confirm."

  
Marlene nods and types his instruction in her phone. Remus had insisted for her to get an appointment book but the idea was quickly rejected by her, who had looked at her friend as if he had grown another head. 

  
"So... excited about the fashion show?" She asks getting up. Remus imitates her and they start walking towards the exit.

  
 _Absolutely not_ , Remus thinks, grimacing, but does not say it out loud. Marlene left no stone unturned trying to get him this job. Remus is grateful, he really is. Despite that, the man is not a big fan of photographing fashion shows. The people who hire him only care about the clothes, and the makeup and the physical beauty of the model. They never try to see beyond that, to ask themselves why that model ended up walking down that certain catwalk, if they had a choice or not. They simply do not care. They want money, fame and beauty. Nothing remotely deep matters to them. To Remus, these people are the scam of Earth.

  
"Yeah." He says, trying to sound genuinely excited.

  
"It is a big one, bear that in mind. Big names." Remus raises his eyebrows, interested. Marlene continues. "Naomi Campbell. Lily Donaldson. But the real stars will be the Black brothers, who are, by the way, throwing a big party tonight. I really tried getting you a job there but it was impossible, they have their own photographers and shit."

  
"Of course they do," Remus says mockingly, getting on her car. Marlene laughs and starts driving. "Do not worry, I have plans tonight. Netflix and chill with myself."

  
Marlene grins mischievously. "Call Benjy."

  
Remus punches her in the shoulder and Marlene protests. Remus turns his gaze to the road making its way in front of them and smiles broadly, a sudden wave of affection for his friend pleasantly invading his body.

* * *

The party starts at 8. It's 7.30 and Sirius is still a mess. His hair is still wet, his clothes haven't been chosen yet, and the makeup artist is late. The situation is starting to get on Sirius' nerves, who needs tonight to be flawless. At least, until he decides it is time to fuck it up. Romilda - his costume designer - smiles at him apologetically and starts doing his make up, claiming Vanessa, the one who is supposed to be doing what she is right now, is not coming after all.

  
Romilda does a fair job, and after twelve tense, frightening minutes, Sirius is looking dashing. His eyeliner contrasts perfectly with his grey eyes, which stand out thanks to it. The woman starts working with his hair and Sirius is pleased with the result when she finishes: she modelled a messy yet amazingly looking bun with some strands of hair falling deliberately in his face. Romilda, back in her field, offers him two outfit options: a purple, glittery suit or black trousers accompanied with a bright, fuchsia shirt. Sirius chooses the second one and quickly puts it on. He looks radiant, ready to dominate the party. He kisses Romilda in the cheek, who blushes, and leaves the room.

He goes into the reception room, which is already crammed with people. Sirius spots his brother in a total white suit and laughs sarcastically when he realizes that it is the same one he wore in today's photoshoot. He turns his eyes away and locks them with a redhead's. Evans, he reflects happily and makes his way to her. She smirks at him, who reciprocates.

  
"Long time no see, Evans." Sirius greets her, which makes her chuckle out loud.

  
"We literally saw each other a week ago at a fashion show."

  
"Too long for me," Sirius says, with a hand on his heart. 

  
"That sounds like something your idiotic friend would say."

  
Sirius beams widely at the mention of his best friend, who is supposed to arrive at any moment. Sirius knows that tonight would be impossible without him by his side.   
  
"Interested, are we?"

  
Evans rolls her green, shiny eyes. "Of course not. I just want to know when to leave."

  
Sirius bursts out laughing and feels dozen of pair of eyes on him. He lets it slide without giving it too much thought. "Jamie is about to arrive, supposedly. But please do not leave. You won't want to miss the big part of the event." He speaks mysteriously.

  
Lily raises a perfectly chiselled eyebrow at him. "Yeah, Frank said something like that. What are you going to do, Black?" Sirius shrugs.

  
He needs to scream what he is going to do. He wants to do it right now. Still, he knows that he has to wait for the perfect timing. He needs to be in front of a camera, all eyes on him when he finally speaks out the truth. Sirius is tired. He is tired of years and years of humiliation, of abuse, of giving everything and never getting anything back. He is tired of having been born in the wrong family, which is never going to truly accept him. He is tired of being insulted behind the cameras. He is tired of pretending to be the perfect, loving family in front of them.

  
_Sirius is exhausted._

  
"Whatever you do, Black. Be careful. This is a harsh world, think about it before doing it."

  
Sirius opens his mouth to protest, to tell her that he had thought this thoroughly, for almost two years now, ever since he left his home. Yet, the redhead lifts a finger and puts it on his mouth, hushing him.

  
"A piece of advice. After you do whatever you do, look for a camera and smile at it."

  
"What?" Sirius asks, perplexed. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees James. 

  
"Smile at the camera. There is nothing they love more than that in the middle of the chaos. Show all your emotions in your smile. Therefore, you will stand as the good guy, the one who feels. The others, whoever you are waging this battle with, will stand like the bad guys, the ones who have made you feel each one of those explicit emotions in your smile. Just smile at the camera and you’ll win this battle." 

* * *

The party is a success. Everyone eats, chats, poses for pictures and, above all, drinks. Sirius stays with James the whole night, who is looking apprehensive. Plausibly because Lily Evans, the woman he has been in love with for years, talked to him for more than five minutes or mayhap because he is worried about Sirius' decision. He constantly asks him if he is really sure of what he is going to do, and Sirius answers the same thing every time.

  
"Yes, James. I have never been more sure of anything in my life."

  
Sirius sees Kingsley, an ex-boyfriend, but ignores him. Tonight is about him, and he is not going to let anything take that away from him. Tomorrow's headliners should be "Sirius Black speaks terrible truth" and not "Sirius Black fucks colleague Kingsley Shacklebolt in the bathroom because he misses him too much". With that and only that in mind, Sirius walks to the centre of the room and breathes heavily. It is almost the end of the night and he can see his brother doing an interview with different magazines.

  
A large group of people come hurriedly to him. Sirius smiles at them and is unbothered when dozens of microphones materialize in front of him. Instead, he offers them his biggest grin and starts answering their questions.

  
"So, Sirius. Having a good night?" A blond, nerdy man asks him, who looks absolutely out of place among all the models. He seems to think so too.

  
"A great one, thanks." He answers in his usual, seductive tone.

  
"Is there any reason behind the party, Sirius?" A small woman questions him this time. Sirius silently thanks her for giving him foot to start his plan.

  
"Yes, there is. Today we did our 50th photoshoot with Vogue."

  
Several journalists sigh in surprise, some of them even stare at him as if they were in love. Sirius keeps smiling.

  
"Sirius, you have been working with your family for a very long time now. You've modelled alongside Regulus and your parents are your managers. Are you happy to work with them?" 

  
_Bingo_ , Sirius exclaims in his mind. He feels James stiffen by his side and notices Regulus and his parents approaching him warily.

  
"Well, that is something I want to talk about. You probably expect me to say yes, to tell you how amazing it is. Well, guess what. I will not. I will, alternately, tell you the truth. A truth I have been hiding for years. I ran away from home two years ago, even if my dear mother insists I just moved out because I wanted to try something new. Do you know why I run? Because what hides behind those big, black, Grimmauld doors are years of abuse, of exploitation, of being told I am the worst thing that could have happened to them." Sirius breathes. Everyone is silent, everyone is looking at him, even his parents and Regulus, the three with matching shocked expressions. "I've had enough. I am no longer going to work with them. From now on, I am free, I am going to start working on my own. I will not endure any more of their abuse." He states, leaving everyone in the room completely shocked. 

  
Sirius moves to leave. Nonetheless, he remembers Lily's words. He turns to the nearest camera he can find and he smiles.

  
He smiles broadly and does not hide any emotion. He shows the world what he has been hiding for years.

  
He smiles.

  
_He wins._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus meet. Remus is nothing Sirius expected.

Sirius stares at the fire in front of him, which kisses his skin with its warm, red flames. He still feels cold and he realizes that not even moving to the sun itself, could calm the cold he feels inside since that fateful night. Sirius does not regret what he did, but he begins to assimilate the consequences of his decision. He is still part of tomorrow's fashion show, and he is still going to be the head of the show. However, that is only because Franklin - the show organizer - loves drama. He will have to face his brother, be in the same room as him, walk with him, breathe the same air as him. The paparazzi will not let go of their camera the whole night - and Sirius is ready for it.

  
He is not ready, though, for what will come after the show. He has nothing - his photo shoots have all been cancelled, as well as his interviews. Of course, they have - his parents were unmistakably going to take care of it. And no one, Sirius knows, would dare go against their word. It did not matter what a big star Sirius was - his parents were bigger and shinier. In all these years, they have built a great - and envied by many - reputation in the fashion world. They started out representing their two children, and today they are the managers of England's most famous models.

  
Nonetheless, there have been several people who dared to speak about the terrible treatment they received from the Black couple. Sirius remembers listening to the interviews in his room, hidden. He remembers how he identified with each word their victims said. The abuse and pressure they talked about were not things that surprised him. Sirius knew all that extremely well. If they were able to do that to unknown models that all they wanted was to fulfil their dreams, imagine what they did to their oldest son, the one who did not accept the way they handled themselves, _the rebel_.

  
Sirius shivers and wraps the blanket tightly around him. He can already smell the food Fleamont Potter is preparing. It smells delicious, nothing like the loveless made dishes from home. The word home makes him snigger. Grimmauld Place has not been his home for a long time now. In fact, he believes it never was. Here, at the Potter's, he has always felt welcomed, he has always felt loved. 

Sirius gets up from his spot on the floor in front of the fireplace and walks over to where Euphemia is. She is checking her students' assignments and Sirius knows well not to bother her at times like now. Her frown is furrowed and Sirius can see a small part of her tongue resting against her lower lip, which is a sign of how absorbed she is in her work. As silently as he can, Sirius grabs a notebook, a pencil and his cellphone and sits down, lying them on the table. Sirius unlocks his cellphone and is greeted by a webpage called JobSeeker. He stares at the long list in front of him and bites his lip, nervous.

_Photographer looking for young, female model willing to pose naked_

_Photographer looking for models ;)_

Sirius almost makes a gagging sound and wonders if anyone has fallen into these stupid, obvious ads. Then, he answers himself. Of course, someone has. That is what Sirius hates so much about this world, they make amateurs models believe that they have to be willing to do anything, that it is the only way to grow in the business. 

_Photographer looking for a blond model._

"Fuck," Sirius mutters, maybe a bit too loud, as Euphemia is now looking at him concernedly. Sirius smiles at her, in an attempt to make her believe that everything is fine.

"What's wrong, honey?" She asks in her usual velvety, motherly voice.

Sirius shakes his head but his smile falters. He feels as if he is about to give up at any moment. "It's ok. Don't worry." 

She ignores him and grabs his phone, quickly reading the first ads. She carefully puts aside the assignments she was working on and turns around, facing him. "Look, Sirius. This is not going to be easy, but it is not going to be the most difficult thing in the world, either." She starts - her voice now a little stern. "Let me help you..."

"Euphemia, no! You have things to do."

The woman rolls her eyes. "Those things can wait. You are about to have a crisis and I would pretty much avoid you flooding my house, thank you very much." Sirius laughs aloud, which feels strange and great at the same time. "So, let's get down to work."

They do. They start writing down the good job offers and they even report the ones that look like they were published by a sexual harasser. By, 8.30, Sirius is making call after call. Some of them perk up at the mention of his name and tell them they will call him tomorrow with an answer and some others immediately hang up. 

"Look, this one seems good," says James, who joined them some minutes ago. "I mean, it says his name and you'll have an interview. Does not seem like he's gonna kidnap you, at least."

 _Photographer Remus Lupin looking for models. No age restriction. There will be a previous interview_ , Sirius reads and nods. He quickly grabs the line phone and dials the number written under it. After three tones, his call is answered.

"Remus Lupin talking." a hoarse voice says.

* * *

"Hey, Remus!" Marlene says as she walks through the door, leaving her red, long coat on the sofa. Remus makes a shushing sound and she realizes he is on the phone, so she quickly complies. Remus' expression is serious, which tells Marlene that he is talking with a potential client. She quickly grabs her phone from her back pocket and opens the notes app. 

  
"Perfect, Mr Black! See you then."

  
Marlene's eyes widen and look at her friend as if he had grown not a second, but a third head. Remus rolls his eyes yet there is a hint of a small, satisfied smile in his face.

  
"Mr Black?" She exclaims. "As in, top model Mr Black?" Remus laughs and nods, setting his phone on the table. "Wait! Which one, younger or older Black?"

  
Remus grabs his bag and his camera from the coat rack and heads to the door, with Marlene behind him. "Older Black. He called me yesterday interested in my collection and now I called him back to confirm the interview." Remus answers but says no more. 

  
"Where are you going?" Marlene remembers to ask when the elevator arrives. Remus raises his eyebrows.

  
"To the fashion show you got me. Remember?" Marlene smiles stupidly and kisses Remus' cheek, who pulls away playfully.

  
"Wait," she says, as Remus is about to get into the elevator. He turns around and faces her. "Talking about the older Black, he is going through a big scandal. Bigger than the Princess Margaret-Peter Townsend affair. So that you know, if you make a photoshoot with him they'll probably talk about you. A lot."

  
Remus shrugs his shoulder and presses the elevator's button once again. "Good," he replies nonchalantly.

  
"Remus, his parents are the Blacks. And he's going against them. You know the power they have in this industry." Marlene says desperately, so different from her excited state only minutes ago. 

  
"I know, Mar. I'm not stupid. I know who he is, who they are and how influential that whole fucked up family is." he states, now worked up. "Let them talk. I am used to it." He says at last, finally getting on the elevator.

* * *

Sirius has done drugs in the past, almost every person in this business has. And he tends to consume weed at least twice a week. Yet, there is no drug, not even the hardest, strongest one out there, that has the effect the catwalk has on him. 

  
When he is on a catwalk, he does not care if people are watching him or not. He just walks, and poses, and steals everyone's breath. He smiles, and glares, and frowns. He poses stupidly, seductively, mysteriously. He does everything, and he would do more if it were only possible. It is the only place where he feels free, although he knows he really is not.

  
_Was not_ , Sirius corrects himself, grinning to his own image on the mirror, _I am finally free_. While getting ready for the conceivably greatest and most important fashion show of his entire life, Sirius wonders if this is the end of his career or only just the beginning. He knows he risked everything when he opened his mouth in front of those scandal-hungry journalists, except he still does not regret it. He dreads, though, his career will no longer be there once this event finishes, he fears no one will ever want to work with him out of panic of being destroyed by his parents.

  
Sirius sighs, in a vain attempt of calming himself. His days have been a rollercoaster of feelings. There are moments in which he feels invincible, ready to face anyone who dares doubt his words. However, at other times, he is vulnerable, and he feels so exposed that he turns off every electronic device and throws the newspaper away without even peeking a look at the front page, in order to not read what others say about him. 

  
He is grateful to have James, without whom he really couldn't have done what he did. James, who has always stood firm with him. James, who always supported him even in the most stupid of his decisions. James, who gave him a decent family and a new meaning in his life. James, who is out there today, in the front row, waiting for his best friend - his brother, better said - to come out to cheer him on and shout his name and applaud him like never before.

  
Sirius takes a deep, relaxing breath and goes out his dressing room. Outside, a dark-coloured, chubby woman is waiting for him, a stern scowl set on her beautiful face. Sirius smiles apologetically but the woman's annoyed expression does not alter. Sirius follows her, who directs him to the spot where he has to stand until his name is called. He waits patiently and realizes no one comes and acknowledge him. It is a new feeling for him, so used to having people's attention. He does notice, however, that many of them are staring at him - in what is a sneaky way to them, even though there is nothing Sirius would like more than to tell them how lousy they are by hiding their furtive glances. His name is finally called. He breathes deeply and carefully climbs the small steps that lead him to the catwalk. He grins in the best way he knows - charmingly and disarmingly - and gets out. 

  
He can feel the tension in the air, with everyone glaring at him, and it is almost too hard to breathe. He tries to ignore them, which turns out to be extremely easy. He stares at the long path in front of him and walks confidently, as always. He gets to the end of the catwalk and stops. He poses, his posture carefree yet powerfully seductive. Sirius narrows his eyes and places them on the first person he meets. Sirius is pleased that the person who has been fortunate enough to be watched by him is just as attractive. His almost golden mane contrasts perfectly with the dazzling lights, and Sirius is lost for a moment in his deep amber eyes. Then Sirius notices that the man has a camera in his hands, which is pointed at him. Sirius smiles at him and turns around, resuming his journey.

* * *

Sirius groans and checks his phone again. The photographer he has an interview with is 10 minutes late already and Sirius is starting to lose his temper. He hasn't slept much, as he had come back from the after-party at 4 a.m. and now he was in some kind of underground, dark café waiting for a man who was impolite enough to not arrive in time. For a moment, he thinks about getting up and leaving, believing that Remus Lupin would never appear. In fact, he is about to do it when he sees a man approaching his table. A very attractive man. A very attractive man with hair as golden as the sun and amber eyes that are as deep as the ocean. A very attractive man with hair as golden as the sun and amber eyes that are as deep as the ocean, to whom Sirius well remembers reacting in the same dazed way yesterday when his eyes met as the dark-haired man walked the catwalk in all his glory. 

  
"I am so sorry I am late, Mr Black," Remus Lupin greets him, his voice harsh yet profoundly enchanting. Or maybe Sirius thinks this man is entirely alluring. "I was dealing with some not so happy clients."

  
Sirius stops daydreaming and raises an eyebrow mockingly. "Should I be worried?" he jokes in a teasing, lighthearted manner. _Be professional_ , he thinks but chooses to ignore himself. The photographer chuckles and Sirius almost groans when he realizes that even his laugh is tempting. Lupin puts his briefcase on the table and takes out several pictures, which Sirius watches slyly. 

  
"Not in the slightest." He assures him, and for some reason, Sirius wholeheartedly believes him. "So, Mr Black. I must warn you. My working method is... unorthodox. And while I am flattered you have the interest of working with me, this might not be the best publicity for such a high-ranked model."

  
Sirius is the one who laughs this time, although his laughter is not light and jocund like Remus' but dark and sardonic. "I do not know, _Mr Lupin_ if you follow the news but I do not think I am a high-ranked model anymore."

  
Remus makes a sound in the back of his throat, that sounds like a repressed groan. "I am aware of the recent events involving you and... _your family_." He says, venom invading his voice when he mentions the last two words. Sirius' eyes widen. "And you must be also aware that every portal is talking about you. So, as soon as we start working together, they'll know and I do not know how long I will be capable of holding my working method a secret."

  
Sirius gets closer to him, so much their hands are almost touching. "Why don't you tell me what your secret working method is about" Sirius whispers, his eyes never leaving the photographer's. "and then I'll tell you if it is worth it or not?"

  
Remus pulls away and grabs the pictures. He hands them to Sirius, who grabs them cautiously as if they were to break in any moment. Sirius watches them, no, he does not watch them, he _observes_ them. There are different models on them: male, female, old, young. Some of them are wearing white, basic clothes and others are undressed. Nonetheless, they do not look vulgar and there is a reason why they do not. The pictures focus on their eyes, and they all are deep and full of emotions. It is as if Sirius had intruded in a personal, _intimate_ moment.

  
"The collection is called _Intimacy_ and it is a very important, personal job for me," Remus explains, and Sirius wonders for a moment if he read his mind. "And for it, I try to create a real connection with the models, one that can easily be seen in the photographs, one that can be almost _felt_."

  
Sirius suppresses a shiver. Remus is talking slowly now, almost as if he were giving a lesson and Sirius was his student. His voice is not harsh anymore, but soft and rich. Sirius feels as if the man has put a spell on him. Remus takes the pictures back and their hands touch. Sirius sighs, but never knows if the man in front of him notices it.

"How... do you create that connection?" Sirius asks, pretty much apprehensively.

  
Remus gifts him a lopsided smile. "That is when my working method comes into the scene." He begins, putting his briefcase on the floor. "To create that feeling of intimacy, I have two options: a) I talk with the model about deep, personal stuff. We both share things we would never, not in a million years, talk about with a stranger. But for it to be successful, the person has to be interesting and I have to make sure we will not end up talking about superficial crap."

  
Sirius stares dumbfoundedly at him. "And if the person is not interesting?" He queries.

  
"Then, I apply method b. I have sex with them."

  
Sirius chokes with his own saliva and he is sure his jaw would have fell to the floor if only that was possible and not only a stupid, unreal expression. "You... what?" he nearly screams. People are looking at them.

"Consensually, of course."

"And if they don't agree?" 

"Then I try applying method a but if it does not work I call it off."

Sirius nods, astonished. What is he getting himself into, he wonders. This man seemed perfectly normal, and just some minutes ago Sirius would have accepted an offer like that immediately, taking into account how attracted he was to him. However, he does not know if this man is trustworthy now.

"Mr Black, I can see I unsettled you and I understand. But let me clarify, everything I do, I do it professionally. Every person I've had sex with because of this project I always made sure that they were really willing to do it, and not because they were desperate for the job."

  
"Yeah... I..." Sirius shakes his head and smiles at the man. "You make art, don't you? You are not like any other shitty photographer whose dreams are to work for those equally shitty worldwide brands? What you do, you do it for the art. And I guess artists tend to have unconventional methods."

  
Remus smiles sincerely and then he nods. "Indeed, Mr Black. I am sorry but... you talk like that about the same brands you wear in your fashion shows."

  
Sirius grins. "I do not care about what I wear. I could be in a suit that my best friend tailored and I would still feel incredible. I don't care about the clothes, I care about the catwalk. I love walking it."

  
"I see, Mr Black. You make art, too." He states, interested in hearing more.

  
"I guess." he agrees. "So... what method would you apply with me, Mr Lupin?" he asks seductively, deciding to trust the golden-haired man.

  
Remus sniggers and then straightens up in his seat. "Why, Mr Black, don't you realize? I've already started applying method a."

  
Sirius smiles widely. "Damn, I was hoping you would apply the second one." He speaks cheekily. Remus laughs along with him.

  
"You should be flattered, Mr Black, I've just called you interesting." He replies. "So, it is a yes?" He questions him, offering a hand.

  
Sirius takes it and squeezes it, maybe a bit too hard. "It is a yes."


	3. Chapter 3

There is music in the background, and the lights are so low Sirius can barely make out Remus' figure in the distance. He hears sounds he has a hard time deciphering. They come from the kitchen, where Remus disappeared a few minutes ago. When he comes back, he is carrying a gold tray with two mugs of steamy, black coffee.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Remus asks politely, setting the tray on the table that separates them. Sirius has wanted to move it ever since he arrived at the man's flat.

Sirius shakes his head a grabs his mug, taking a great, pleasant sip. He sighs as he puts the coffee down, his stomach growling happily for the first time after six hours of being unfed. Sirius finally agreed to give an interview to a radio show, whose producers had been pestering him to accept doing it. He gave in, knowing it was the only way to get away from them. The interview had not been that bad, there were some awkward questions and the interviewers were as nervous as Sirius had ever seen someone be, yet Sirius thought it was going to be worse. It had been long, though. Extremely so, that he arrived late to his _professional date_ with Remus, as the latter puts it.

The man did not get angry when he saw Sirius crossing his door twenty-five minutes late. If truth be told, he greeted him happily. They are, little by little, getting used to each other's presence. They have been doing these meetings for more than one week now and although Sirius was desperate to start with the photoshoot - that is the model in him talking - he still enjoys sitting down with the amber-eyed man and talking.

In these last weeks, Sirius found out he was not the only one with a troubled childhood. Remus was not actually detailed when telling him about this, but Sirius came to the conclusion that he did not have a good relationship with his father. Sirius, on the other hand, told Remus everything. The man inspired in him a feeling of trust he did not even feel with James. With his best friend, Sirius preferred to avoid telling certain things, in order to not worry him about something that cannot be changed. He cannot change his parents' beatings when he was younger, he cannot change the terrible effects their insults had - and still have - on him. They are things he has to live with.

Telling Remus, though, makes him feel safe. The man listens intently to him, he expresses his opinions without fear, not even when he knows that it could wake up the beast inside Sirius. And although Sirius knows the man is only listening to his rants because of the collection, the model still looks forward to their weekly meetings like a little boy waits for Christmas. There are weeks that they even meet twice, and those are Sirius' favourite weeks.

"So, my father called me yesterday," Remus starts their conversation with a bucket of icy water. Sirius puts his mug of coffee down on the table and stares silently at him, guessing he does not need to be pressured into explaining. "He wanted to know how things are going..." he says after a few minutes.

"What did you say?" Sirius asks softly, touching the other man's hand.

Remus stares at their touching hands and shakes his head, yet does not pull away. "Go to hell. Then he asked for money."

Sirius' eyes widen. "What?" he gasps, astonished.

Remus shrugs his shoulders and moves next to him. He takes his cellphone out of his back pocket and unlocks it quickly. Not quickly enough, though, for Sirius not to see his lock screen: a beautiful woman staring happily at the camera. She was posing in front of a sunflowers field, the sun setting behind her. The picture looks many years old.

"See this app?" Remus points out the little icon of an app called Call Recorder. Sirius nods. "I have it ever since I got a restraining order against him. He is not supposed to call me, so if he keeps annoying the shit out of me, I have a ton of evidence to prove that he violated the order several times. It is not the first time he calls me and it won't be the last."

Sirius is perplexed and does not say anything. Remus is the one who breaks the silence again, asking him if he would mind going with him to the supermarket, as he ran out of milk. 

"Do you do this with all the models?" Sirius wonders jokingly, although he is already putting his coat on. "Do you go shopping together, to create a connection?"

Remus grins at his question and opens the door. "I haven't run out of milk before. Besides, I won't leave you alone in my flat. What if you steal something from me?"

Sirius chuckles, knowing he is referring to the idea of him stealing something as ludicrous, due to his immense wealth, which they have already discussed, ending up in Sirius stating how much he hated having a fortune that came from his parents.

They go out Remus' building and start walking side by side, never stopping talking. Sirius laughs at Remus, who spends most of the trip to the supermarket making up deranged stories about people walking down the streets. 

"And what do you suppose they think when they look at us?" Sirius queries with mirth in his voice. Remus smiles.

"Oh, two young gentlemen very much in love, one of whom is a veteran of one of the bloodiest and most ruthless wars of all time and the other has just come out of a rehab centre."

Sirius' heart skips a beat, and he can only stare at the man in amazement. For some reason unknown to him, Remus mentioning them and being in love in the same sentence just has that kind of effect on him. 

"I'm the veteran of course." Remus expresses as if it were a matter of fact.

Sirius smiles, ignoring his strange reaction at the photographer's words, and hits his shoulder. "Fuck you."

Remus laughs loudly and lovingly and beautifully, and the realization of how much he likes that sound hits Sirius like a truck.

* * *

_Remus is walking down an empty street, surrounded by majestic trees making their way into the sky. As he walks, he sees a dense fog appear before his eyes, which are attentive witnesses to the event. In the distance, he hears screams and the unmistakable sound of a siren. Remus ignores them and continues walking, without a special direction, but he knows that if he stops, something bad will happen. Something stops him, and although he tries with all his being to follow his path, his feet ignore his desperate requests and make the decision not to move. At times like this, there is nothing Remus wants more than to scream, and he does, but only a small, inaudible whisper comes out of his mouth._

_Then, her mother materializes in front of him out of the blue. She is bleedings and Remus can see the scars that he well knows. The boy tries to move again, and this time his feet comply. As soon as he gets to Hope, she disappears into thin air, calling out Remus' name with a haunting sob, which feels like a thousand stab wounds to his chest._

Remus wakes up with a scream and lets himself cry his heart out when he realizes he is all alone and that her mother is still gone. Forever.

* * *

"Happy birthday, Fleamont!" Sirius says as soon as James' father opens the door, who greets him with a big smile. 

"Thank you, my boy!" The man exclaims happily, embracing him into a bone-cracking hug.

Sirius follows him inside the house, which smells - as usual - deliciously. James is the one cooking tonight, as a gift to his father. Sirius also hugs a smiling Euphemia and then walks to the kitchen, where his best friend is immersed in a battle against a chicken. 

"You know the animal is already dead, right?" Sirius surprises his friend by saying, who in turn tosses a pea at him.

"Come here and help me, or go and talk to Aunt Alice, who is dying to pinch someone's ass."

Sirius hurries to James' side and starts assisting him. They quite rapidly put the stuffed chicken on the oven and then move over to the salads.

"For what I know, though, you already have someone pinching it."

Sirius stares at his friend, afraid he has finally lost his mind. James rolls his eyes and says nothing, as he cuts a carrot.

"What are you talking about?" he says with a mouth full of tomato.

James makes a gesture of resignation, and Sirius really fears for his mental health right now. The bespectacled boy shakes his head and takes one of the bowls in his hands to take it to the dining room, where Fleamont's starving friends and family are waiting for them. Sirius follows suit and is welcomed by cheering greetings and, as his best friend had warned him, with a pinch on the butt by Aunt Alice.

* * *

Dinner flies by, and by the end of it, Sirius can't even budge from how full and satisfied he is. Around them, everyone is chatting animatedly and Sirius finds himself feeling happy to be in such a friendly and family-like environment.

Sirius laughs embarrassingly loud when one of Fleamont's best friends tells everyone a disgusting, embarrassing anecdote of baby James, which basically involves him, a diaper and a filthy and large amount of human waste being blown up in the air. James' face is beet red and he can see his eyes are pleading Robert to stop talking.

Shaking his head, Sirius turns around to Euphemia, who has not said anything in a long time now. He is worried she is not having a good time, yet when he sees her, she is smiling widely and Sirius can swear she has tears welling up in her eyes.

"Euphemia," he says tentatively. She locks eyes with him, her smiles never faltering. "I wanted to thank you for what you did."

She looks confused. "What do you mean, dear?"

"Weeks ago, when you helped me look for a job..."

Euphemia shakes her head, amused. "Don't even mention it, Sirius!"

"But! You had other things to do and still helped me. That was very generous..."

Euphemia makes a dismissive move of her large hands, and says "That's what any good mother would do..."

"What?" Sirius questions her, genuinely befuddled.

"Sirius, do you know how many times I did the same thing for James? How many times we sat in this same table and looked for good acting jobs?"

"Yes, Euphemia, but he is your son..."

"And so are you! You should know that by now, Sirius." She is all worked up now, her cheeks flushed red in a way it reminds him of her son. "You are part of this family, Sirius. You are not only James' friend. You are his brother, you are my son, you are Fleamont's son. We love you. And, as your mother, I am going to help you achieve your dreams and I am going to be there to hug you when you don't."

Tears are welling up in his eyes now, and Sirius hopes no one is truly paying attention to him. Euphemia and he stare at each other profoundly for several minutes, until their moment is interrupted by a very much inebriated Aunt Alice, who is holding a magazine in her hands.

"Sirius, dear..." she slurs. "We didn't know you had a boyfriend."

Sirius laughs, puzzled and shoots a dirty look at James when he hears his friend snort mockingly.

"What do you mean, Alice?

"He is a pretty boy, nothing like that Kingsley though."

The drunk woman throws the magazine with great agility, and it ends right in front of him. Sirius would be surprised by the skill of the already quite old and plastered woman if it were not for the image of Remus and him staring directly at him from the table. Sirius is even more horrified when he realizes that in that same picture, the dark-haired man observes the photographer with adoration dancing in his grey eyes.

" _Fuck_ ," he whispers.

* * *

"So, you are telling me you and he are not a thing?" James asks for what must be the tenth time.

They were not gathered by his family anymore. James decided to move to his room with his friend when he feared he was going to pass out if Aunt Alice kept asking him about the mysterious front cover man.

"No! He is just my photographer, for fuck's sake!" Sirius replies agitatedly, walking from one end of the room to the other. 

"What were you doing walking with your photographer?" James queries dumbfoundedly, and sudden urges to punch him rise inside Sirius.

"We went to buy some milk!" James raises his eyebrows. "We are doing this _build a connection_ shit I told you about, and he ran out of milk and asked me to go with him."

"Ok... let's pretend that makes sense... Then, why are you looking at him as if he were... _Lily fucking Evans_?" James states dreamily.

"First of all, I would never look at Lily like that. Second of all, forget about her, mate. And third of all, I was not!"

James throws a black pillow at him, which Sirius fails to catch. "You totally were. You look ready to marry the guy."

Sirius groans and flops to the bed. He hides his head in the pillows and suddenly wonders if Remus has seen the magazine.

"Pad... did you sleep with him?" James asks hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer to his question.

"No, god!" Sirius rapidly denies, without getting up. "He is a very professional man, and he chose _method a_ , not _b_."

"Do you want to?"

"Do I want what, Prongs?"

The messy-haired boy gives him a crooked smile before answering. "Sleep with him." Sirius groans with annoyance once more, and it is James' turn to worry about his friend's mental health now. "Do you like him?" James tries again with a lighter question.

Sirius looks up, and James can see the desperation in those grey, big eyes. "Do you want me to say I do? Ok, then I do. I've been spending a lot of time with the guy, and I've been telling him a shit-ton of personal stuff about me, and he is a good listener with even better answers. And he is attractive. Then, yes, I like him!"

"Don't talk to me like that!" James responds quickly. "I'm not attacking you, Sirius. It's okay to feel. I only worry about you, especially after all the Kingsley stuff."

"It's different for many reasons. One, Kingsley and I did not work out because of my parents. I don't have that problem anymore. Two, Remus does not like me back. And this is a stupid crush, and as soon as I'm over with this job, it will go away."

James is about to say something when his mother opens the door and urges them to go and sing happy birthday to Fleamont. They cooperate and walk after her. Alice's husband pleads Euphemia and James to take a picture with the birthday man.

"Wait!" Euphemia exclaims when the picture is about to be taken. "Come here, Sirius."

Sirius protests but after a stern look from the woman, he gives in and stands next to his friend, who hugs him by his shoulders. Sirius decides to forget, at least for now, about the picture that could cost him the only job he has, and instead smiles widely and genuinely at the camera.

* * *

The next week, when Sirius enters Remus' apartment, he no longer does it out of habit and relaxed. On the contrary, when the man with golden hair greets him by opening the door, Sirius hesitates to enter or not. He is not ready for Remus to tell him that the project is cancelled, much less for this to be the last time they would see each other.

Remus says nothing, and his silence is more mortifying than his mother's unforgettable screeches. Sirius enters, each step he takes he does in a tense and nervous way. Sirius, who is always so sure of himself and of everything he does, is not exactly keen on this feeling, which the owner of the apartment tends to evoke in him.

"So..." Sirius whispers once both of them are sitting in their usual places.

"Are you ok?" Remus asks worriedly, and Sirius feels his pulse rushing.

"Well, it depends. What are we gonna do?"

Remus quirks an eyebrow and smirks slightly. "What we do every week?"

Sirius gawks at him. "You... have seen the magazine cover, right?"

Remus grins now and takes the magazine out of his briefcase, which is always next to him. "Of course I have. What about it?"

"Aren't you worried that it will ruin your reputation? They know you are my photographer and they think we are, you know, dating. You are always so worried about being professional and everything."

Remus rolls his eyes. "I'm worried about being professional in front of the people I work with. I don't care what the British version of Gossip Girl has to say about me."

Sirius sighs in relief and feels all the tension that had built up in his body leave it. A sudden feeling of admiration for the man emerges, wishing to have the ability of not caring about what the press says about him. Sadly, his parents had raised him in such a way that they made him believe that the most important thing in the world is what strangers have to say of you, even when you do not ask for an opinion.

Remus smiles sympathetically at him. "Can we start?"

Sirius nods and ignores the flutter in his chest when the photographer kicks him playfully under the table.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so grateful with all the love you are giving this fic. I was so nervous about uploading it and yet every comment and all the kudos you leave make me think that this is worth it.  
> I'm not always going to be able to update this fic as often as I would like to, work and university in times of pandemic are driving me a little crazy.  
> However, this is the way I find to escape a little of all this madness and the most beautiful thing is to share it with people like you.  
> I guess I'm just trying to say: thank you.  
> P.S: remember English is not my first language, so be nice to me.

"Kingsley and I were together for two years. I was in love with him. I think it was the first and only time I was. I decided to tell my parents after eight months of being together, even if I knew it was going to fuck us up. That was when hell broke loose. They criticised us every opportunity they had, they signalled Kingsley's flaws - and he was really insecure. They even invented the most horrid rumours about us and told them to the press anonymously. But of course, I knew it was them. It wore our relationship away, and he broke up with me. I was heartbroken. I had never felt that way. With my parents, it was different. The heartbreak they cause in me is not the same, because I know they are not good people and that they never loved me. But Kingsley still loved me when we split, and he was an excellent person."

Remus is staring at him, a mixed expression of empathy and anger sitting on his face. Sirius looks away and can feel the tears forming up in his eyes - something that lately has been happening quite a lot, and does not help to his bad-boy facade. Remus, who is next to him, moves closer and touches his face. The touch is soft, even if the photographer's hands are a bit calloused, and it makes Sirius shiver.

"You did not deserve any of that. Neither of you." Remus speaks gently, his hand still on Sirius' face. 

Sirius closes his eyes and breathes out. "I know."

Sirius' eyelids open, and Remus is even closer than before. He almost gives in to his stupid urge to kiss the man in front of him, but luckily stops before doing so. Remus finally gets up and Sirius watches the languid boy stretch, which shouldn't be attractive at all yet in Sirius it produces a heat that runs through his entire body, like a burning fire.

"So, have you ever been in love and then devastatingly destroyed by that person?" Sirius asks in jest, although he is also awfully curious to know.

“I’ve never had my heart broken,” Remus says cheekily, his eyes never leaving Sirius. “I don’t let people near it.” 

"What do you mean?" Sirius wonders.

"I don't do relationships. They distract me from my job."

"You cannot be serious," Sirius exclaims, trying to hide his disappointment.

Remus smirks at the silly pun and then continues talking. "I am not, but I won't tell you the real reason. Not yet, at least."

“You’ll see, Remus Lupin.” Sirius jokes, but there is a bit of truth in his words. And there is also a hint of hope. “You are going to fall in love with me.” 

Remus' phone beeps on the table, interrupting their awkward conversation, and Sirius hands it to him, who takes it with a muttered thanks. The raven-haired man observes Remus, who stares at the phone with an impenetrable expression.

"I have two questions. Who is the woman on your lock screen and was that your father?" Sirius asks when the other man finally puts the device down.

Remus shakes his head and then smiles. "I have two answers," Remus jokes. "That's a story for another meeting, and no, they were journalists. They keep asking me about you."

Sirius sighs, anger colouring his voice when he talks. "Assholes. I have an interview tomorrow, I'll make everything clear."

Remus shrugs. "I appreciate it, I really do. But it will go on until they get bored, or until another person goes after your parents. What's your brother up to nowadays?" Remus says with a little laugh.

Sirius' countenance suddenly darkens, which makes Remus realize he screwed up. The model gets up and grabs his black leather jacket from the floor, where he had sloppily left it. He walks to the door, and Remus follows him.

"Probably sucking up their asses," he says as a farewell, and then leaves.

* * *

James is drunk and so is Sirius, which can only mean one thing: one of them will do something truly stupid or, probably, both of them will. To make things worse, Lily Evans is in the same room as them. Sirius is sure James will not be able to control himself from saying something stupid to the redhead and, by the end of the night, he will have been slapped by her.

Sirius takes a sip of the dark drink in his hands and enjoys the burning feeling on his throat. He stares at Kingsley, who is dancing in the middle of the room with a blonde woman. It does not surprise him that his ex-boyfriend is here, as this is British models' favourite place to spend Saturdays nights drinking themselves into oblivion.

"To starring at shitty plays, working with photographers with strange methods and liking people who do not like you back," James exclaims, holding his glass high in the air and staring at Lily from afar. Sirius chuckles and drinks again, feeling his cheeks warmen when being reminded of Remus.

James excuses himself and walks towards the redhead, who rolls her green eyes when he notices him approaching her. Sirius, on the other hand, is too focused on Kingsley moving his hips against a younger boy's now to notice Benjy Fenwick, a colleague, standing next to him, a furious look on his face.

"Black," Benjy says and wakes Sirius up from his daydreaming. Sirius stares at the man beside him and arches his eyebrows. "Benjy. Benjy Fenwick."

Sirius nods his head and smirks at the man. His grey eyes, like magnets, settle on his ex-boyfriend once again. "Yeah, we met at Paris Fashion Week, right?"

It was Benjy who assented now. "Tell me, Black. You are working with Lupin, right?"

With those few words, Fenwick gets his full attention. Sirius turns around and narrows his eyes at the smaller man, who is looking challenging at him. 

"Why?" Sirius queries, although it is enough of a confirmation for the other model.

Benjy snorts cynically, and Sirius gets the feeling that he will not get on well with him. "Has he fucked you yet?"

"What the fuck?" Sirius spits, fury gleaming in his eyes.

"Well, he is a whore, isn't he?" Benjy angrily retorts. "He fucks models and then tells them it is just a work thing."

Sirius steps closer. He can feel the man's breath, which stinks of cheap alcohol and something fruity Sirius has a hard time placing his finger on.

"Take that back," Sirius demands, the tone of his voice threatening enough for the other man to be quiet for a few seconds. 

Even being in a dance club with music so loud that Sirius fears for his eardrums, Benjy's silence seems eternal and Sirius swears that he can hear his laboured breathing.

"Make me," Fenwick says cheekily. Sirius smirks furiously and bites his lips.

And then, he hits the man. Right in the middle of the face.

He can hear people screeching and he feels the warm flashes of the cameras on his body. Nothing stops him, though. He lunges forward and grabs the man by the collar of his black shirt. He can hear the slight rasp of the material ripping.

Sirius attempts to punch him again, but Benjy's reflexes kick in and quickly ducks forward. Fenwick's fist smashes against Sirius' right cheek with brute force. Sirius can savour and even smell his blood. He feels weak and his legs are about to give up when someone grabs him by his shoulders and backs them away, never letting him go. He notices James is holding Fenwick back and turns around to see who is the person behind him.

It is Regulus, who is staring disappointingly at him and making a great effort to hold his larger and stronger brother. Sirius, whose body is still shaking with adrenaline, has to stop himself from striking at his brother.

* * *

Regulus is still staring at him with that annoying, disappointed look in his face. Even now, that they are finally back at Sirius' flat. James is in the kitchen, looking for some ice to put in his best friend's darkening eye. 

"Why the fuck are you still here?" Sirius spits furiously but stops when he feels a piercing sting on the right side of his face.

"You're welcome, big brother," Regulus replies, undaunted.

Sirius shakes his head and moves his eyes and poses them over his best friend. Does Regulus honestly think he should be grateful? All those times his parents had beat the hell out of him, Regulus stayed in his room, with full knowledge of what was happening. And now, when Sirius has a stupid fight with a stranger, he is worried?

"Here," James interrupts his thoughts, handing him the ice folded in an old rag. "Regulus, maybe it is time for you to go."

The cold feeling in his eye does not alleviate the pain on his face but enhances it. The same thing happens with his anger towards Regulus when the latter talks.

"No," he states to James' and Sirius' surprise. "I need to talk to him."

Sirius stands up, fuming, but James puts a hand on his chest and shoves him softly to a sitting position. 

"Don't you think he has had enough for one night?" James asks patiently, glaring at Sirius' younger brother.

Regulus blatantly ignores him. "Sirius, they are furious with you."

Sirius has always envied something about Regulus, and it was his ability to perfectly mask his feelings. No one has ever been able to tell what was happening inside his mind. Unlike Sirius, whose emotions were always crystal clear in his face. Right now, his lip was twitching in a sign of rage and nervousness.

"Blimey," Sirius says in a fake, high-pitched voice. "They are furious with me? After I exposed their abusive asses?"

Regulus rolls his eyes. "They won't leave you alone. They want to destroy your career."

"Nothing you say is news for me, Regulus! I did that knowing what the consequences were going to be."

Regulus closes his eyes and sighs heavily. "Ok. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Why do you care, after all?" Sirius shouts. James blushes at being caught in the middle of this feud.

"I care about..." Regulus starts saying but then stops. "You know what, brother? You are not worth it."

Regulus gets up and does not need to be told to leave again.

* * *

When the doorbell rings, Remus does not instantly get up from his office chair. He waits for it to ring again, and only then walks to the door. Marlene, who is sitting by her desk, stares worriedly at him, biting her lip.  
Remus sighs and opens the door. Sirius is standing there, and he does not look good. And Remus thought the black-haired man and not look good in the same sentence were incompatible.

He has sunglasses on yet Remus is almost sure a black eye is hiding behind them. He has seen the videos of the terrible fight between him and Benjy, which are all over the internet. That was not the worst thing, though. The videos are accompanied with headlines that read "Sirius Black gets into a fistfight over grave accusations towards new lover: Remus Lupin." Waking up to his name on all the gossip portals and his phone beeping constantly, Remus determines, is a terrible thing he will never get used to. 

"Come in," Remus says with a strained voice. 

Sirius complies and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. Marlene makes no move to leave and Remus rolls his eyes: she would not miss what is coming for the world.

"Remus... I..."

"I think it is better if I do the talking, Mr Black," Remus says, and calling him like that sounds foreign in his lips. They have been meeting for more than a month now, and with that came the unveiled secrets and emotions. Now, it feels like it is the first day they met all over again. "What you did... was highly irresponsible. Have you seen the internet? The news? They are all talking about you and showing the videos. What's worse, they are insisting that we are having an affair!" 

Remus tries, by all means, to stay focused and calm, but in the end, he gives in to his wrath and lets it control his body.

"I know!" Sirius whispers. Remus thinks that maybe the model tried to scream but ultimately could not. "But you don't know the things that fucker was saying about you!"

"I did not ask you to defend me, Sirius." Remus screams and, in the corner of his eye, sees Marlene flinch. Sirius' pale, soft skin blushes. "I've been dealing with Benjy. I can take him on my own."

"Fuck you!" Sirius shouts, his voice extremely loud this time. "I couldn't just stand there listening to all that crap he was saying about you!"

"Why? Why do you care at all?" Remus rages.

Sirius stiffens and Remus just observes him, breathing hard. Then, the raven-haired man walks closer to the photographer and forcefully smashes their mouths together. The kiss is rough and Remus hears Marlene gasp. Remus loses himself in the liplock for a moment and kisses the model back just as forcefully. Their tongues dance together and Sirius moans in the back of his throat.

Then, when Remus becomes aware of what is happening and with whom it is happening, the photographer pulls away from Sirius, who whimpers at the loss of his lips.

 _Well fuck_ , Remus thinks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long but I did not have a good week, which didn't help with my writing.  
> This chapter is not good, so I also apologise for that. I hope you don't hate it that much.

Remus pushes away and Sirius is ashamed to say it but he whimpers at the loss of those luscious lips on top of his. He stares at Remus, who is looking at him as if the raven-haired man had gone mad. Nonetheless, the flush on the photographer's skin and the plump of his lips does not full anyone - he enjoyed it.

"What the fuck?" Marlene is the first one to break the awkward silence that engulfs the room. Remus shivers and Sirius is too afraid to open his mouth.

"Language, Marlene. We are in front of a client."

"A client?" Sirius and Marlene say at the same time, yet not with the same tone. Marlene sounds amused and even slightly confused by the whole situation. Sirius' voice, on the other hand, rings with disappointment.

Remus nods, and Sirius notices he is struggling with his own words. "Yes, a client," he says assertively. Sirius opens his mouth, but the golden-haired man is quicker. "What just happened, Sirius..." Remus closes his eyes and then turns to Marlene. "Mar, could you please leave us alone?"

Marlene looks offended for a minute, but half a second later she complies by grabbing her stuff and going to the room next to the one they are in. Sirius perceives she does not completely close the door.

"Remus, I'm so sorry." Sirius talks quickly, not allowing him to go first now.

"As you should be," Remus replies sternly and Sirius frowns. "What you did... was highly unprofessional and..."

"What I did?" Remus tilts his head and nods it gently. "What _we_ did, Remus."

Remus gawks at him for a short moment and then his expression turns to stone. "What did I do, now?"

"You kissed me!" Sirius exclaims, his eyes wide open.

Remus huffs. "I did not!" he states weakly. Then, realizing no one who had witnessed their kiss could ever believe that, he says "It was not my intention... An attractive person kissed me and I instinctively kissed them back."

Sirius goggles at him in total disbelief. "Am I just an attractive person now?" Sirius asks but does not let the photographer answer. "What about all these meetings we've had? What about all the things we shared? And don't you tell me it was just part of the job... Remus, I know you feel something. I feel something too. We grew too close in such a short time. You cannot tell me it is just a facade."

Remus does not speak for some minutes, which seem hours to Sirius. He is not looking at the model, but instead is staring at the window, where they could see the sun starting to set.

"I don't do relationships, Sirius. Even if I felt something, I wouldn't act on it. I'm sorry." He says slowly as if the words hurt him. They are certainly hurting Sirius.

"So, you feel something?" Sirius wonders, because if he does, he wants to know. He needs to know he is not the only one who opened his heart in those damn professional dates.

"I don't do relationships," is the only thing that Remus says and with that, he opens the door, inviting Sirius to leave.

* * *

Regulus plays with the food on his plate, unable to take a bite. He knows his parents are looking worriedly at him, but he pretends to not notice their eyes burning holes on his low head. He hears, from afar, how Kreacher, their cook, is preparing dessert and his stomach growls in disgust.

His father huffs and they both finally stop gawking at him. From the corner of his eye, he sees his father taking a magazine out of nowhere. Regulus, the one lying completely still, captured by the camera lens, looks at himself with a mysterious gaze. The real Regulus averts his eyes quickly, and his mother notices it.

"Darling, is there something wrong?"

Regulus does not talk with the excuse of having a mouth full of Kreacher's delicious chard pie. He is still not hungry and his stomach protests again, yet Regulus knows anything is better than talking to his parents. After all, every conversation they have - even the ones that are not remotely related to him - end up being about Sirius.

At the thought of his brother, his hand twitches at the sudden need of texting him to ask if he is alright. He stops himself before he does anything stupid - if he has any luck, Sirius will reply with a not so sweet _fuck off_ before blocking him and unblocking him in three days.

"Reg, we are thinking of getting you another photoshoot," his father starts. The young man looks up and locks his grey eyes with a set very similar to his. "He's a new photographer, he is getting pretty famous and we thought that you should do something with him while, you know, everyone is drooling over him."

Regulus arches his perfectly trimmed eyebrows and zips his lips. His father seems thankful for his silence. Orion is about to talk, but then Walburga's high-pitched, firm voice interrupts him.

"It's Remus Lupin."

* * *

 _"I fear too early, for my mind misgives; Some consequence, yet hanging in the stars, shall bitterly begin."_

  
James stares at Sirius, furious, who does not notice his best friend in such state. Instead, he keeps looking outside the large window in front of him, which is decorated by the raindrops falling heavily from the sky above them.

"Are you even listening to me?" James asks, trying to not lose his temper. 

  
Sirius turns slowly to him and does not speak at first, which just infuriates James more. He had been off the whole day, even when the bespectacled boy offered him to go to Frank's, an old classmate of them who Sirius has always fancied. 

  
"What?"

  
"I want you to listen. I have my audition tomorrow."

  
Sirius rolls his eyes and then gives him a small, mocking smile. "James, it is fucking Romeo from Romeo and Juliet. It's like this part was made for you: both of you are two idiots in love." James throws a pillow at him, which the raven-haired boy catches with ease. "Actually, I think I'd be perfect for the part too."

  
James raises his eyebrows in curiosity at his friend. "Uh oh, what happened now? Is it Kingsley? What did the fucker do now?" James asks heatedly.

  
"Calm down! It's not him. It's... the photographer."

  
James closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. "What's wrong?"

  
"No, come on. You were reading your lines. Tonight is about you."

  
"Sirius, you will obviously not listen to me and I've practised enough with mum, who is a brilliant Juliet, by the way."

  
Sirius laughs at the image in his head, and then sighs, defeated. "I kissed him."

  
"You- what?" James queries in disbelief.

  
"And he kissed me back. And then he said it was wrong and started treating me as his client. And then I asked if he felt something for me. And then he avoided the question and told me he didn't do relationships. And then he opened the fucking door to me - he opened it!"

  
James stares with wide eyes at his friend, who is breathing heavily by the end of his catharsis. "Whoa, a lot of information in just fifteen seconds," James says lightly. "Why did you ask him if he felt something for you, in the first place?"

  
"Because I know he does, James!" Sirius almost screams. James is certain Euphemia will open the door at any moment now. "Our meetings... we talk about everything, and we listen to each other. He touches me and empathises with me and tells me that I did not deserve anything that happened to me and what a strong, beautiful person I am over and over again."

  
"Did he actually say those last things?" James interrupts.

  
"Well, maybe not with those exact words... Fuck you, James!" he exclaims at the sight of his best friend laughing. Sirius gets up from the bean bag chair on the corner of the room. He goes to his bed and lays on it. "I... I know he feels something, but then he got all defensive and..." Sirus trails off and his face darkens.

  
"I am fucked," Sirius concludes.

* * *

Remus sits on the window sill with a cup of hot tea in his hands. He hears Marlene working on her computer. He takes out his phone and stares at the picture of his mother standing in front of a massive sunflowers field. He has never needed her as much as he needs her now. His head is a terrible mess, and Remus well remembers how his mother would say the right thing whenever things got complicated.

Nonetheless, he is alone and this loneliness is not the one Remus likes, the one he is used to. No, this is one he did not choose, that he cannot control. He likes being alone, but he also likes choosing when not to be it. Now, he feels that even when being surrounded by thousands of people, he is still alone. Something that he does not feel when he is with Sirius... Remus shakes his head. He takes one final sip of his tea at the same time that Marlene comes into his office. 

Remus' flat was his proudest possession - he loved it even more than his camera. It was not that good or that big, but it was just enough for him to live and do his job. Remus remodelled the place as soon as he moved in and turned it into a place that screams _Remus_.

He turned a second bedroom into his office, with his own pictures hanging on the wall to remind him why he does what he does. The living room still fulfils its primary function but also serves as Marlene's office, from which she receives the models and answers calls.

His bedroom is his sanctuary, which is sometimes disturbed when he chooses _method b_. Whenever that happens, Remus makes sure to put away all the pictures or keepsakes he has of his mother. It is his own way to keep his secrets. Models tend to be curious creatures, especially when they think they can trust you.

"Remus?" Marlene says tentatively. 

"Yeah, sorry. Did you say something?" Remus wonders, coming out of his daydreaming.

"I've already called him." his assistant informs him.

Remus' heart skips a beat. "What did he say?"

"He said ok. He'll be here by 4.30."

Remus nods and swallows the lump in his throat. "Did he sound... mad?"

Marlene shrugs her shoulders. "Not with me. I was not the one who kissed him and then rejected him..."

"Fuck you," Remus states sternly.

"No, thank you. What if you break my heart too?"

Remus cannot help himself and laughs.

* * *

  
Sirius arrives at 4.25, Remus notices. He uses those 5 minutes until 4.30 to breathe in and out in a vain attempt to calm down. He can hear the brunette happily chatting with Marlene. Remus frowns. This is not what he had expected. To be honest, the photographer thought that Sirius was not even going to come, yet here he was, standing in the middle of his living room in all his beautiful glory.

"Hey," he says once he has the guts to step out of his bedroom.

"Hey," Sirius says back, turning around.

Remus sighs and pleads to some god he does not believe in that his anxiety is not visible. Ever since their kiss, Remus has lost all the control when it comes to Sirius.

"The photoshoot is going to be on the roof if you don't mind."

Sirius shrugs. "You're the boss,"

Remus nods. He grabs his camera and together they go to the elevator. They stand there in an awkward silence, which is only interrupted some times by the bing sound the elevator makes any time they arrive at another floor.

The elevator is not exactly large, so the photographer and the model are standing too close together. More than Remus would like to be, at least. He can feel the strong and delicious perfume of the man next to him, which penetrates him through his nostrils and runs all over his body, causing goosebumps.

Their hands touch whenever the lift comes to a stop, and Remus shivers every time. When they finally arrive, Remus is the first one to hastily get out of it. 

Remus goes over the tripod he had left in the roof earlier and sets the camera on it. He stares at Sirius, who is lazily propped up against the wall, watching him.

"I don't know if what I'm wearing is ok, but I brought some clothes," he says signalling the bag in his hand Remus only notices now.

"Yeah, you look good like this. I mean..."

Sirius laughs mockingly. "Be professional, Lupin."

His heart stops, and for a moment Remus and Sirius just stare at each other. The model's eyes are a sea of emotions and Remus is sure that his do not look much different. 

With a deep sigh, Remus tells Sirius where to stand. The photographer returns to his place.

"Just ... be natural. Think about everything we talked about in our meetings and let yourself go."

Sirius obeys and Remus can't stop taking one magnificent photo after the other. The dark-haired man moves lightly and challenges the camera to keep up with him. His gaze is intense and Remus feels naked and vulnerable in front of him.

"Now, could you put your hair up?" Remus asks. Sirius complies but it is just not right. Remus walks towards him. "No, with some strands off..." He tentatively reaches out and pulls out a few strands of hair from his bun and releases them onto the model's face.

"There ..." Remus says, satisfied. 

He should go back to his camera but something, or _someone_ , does not allow it. He stands there and Sirius barely touches his arm, yet Remus feels his entire body boil.  
Without thinking, because Remus knows that if he thinks about it, he will stop (and he doesn't want to, not this time), Remus takes Sirius's face in his hands and kisses him.

It's a chaste kiss, their lips barely touch but it is all Remus needs. The cold wind stabs them from behind but nothing can stop them. As the minutes pass, the kiss grows deeper. Suddenly, their mouths become one, their low moans sound in unison and their bodies, pressed against each other, fuse.


	6. Chapter 6

Their mouths seem to be glued together and their tongues, apparently, will never untangle themselves from each other. Sirius cannot say it bothers him. In fact, he could stay in this so long needed and passionate moment until his bones turn to dust. He feels Remus slowly moving away but Sirius does not allow it, taking his head gently with his hand that is not busy under the photographer's shirt.

Sirius does not know why, but this kiss is like no kiss he had ever had before. It is wet and sensual and a bit sloppy, but it makes his legs quiver and all the skin in his body tingle. Remus' moans vibrate in his mouth, and Sirius cannot have enough of that sound, which reverberates in his ears as a sweet melody.

When they finally pull away, remembering they need to breathe, Sirius is too afraid history will repeat itself. He is scared of Remus rejecting him once more. Sirius is sure he will not be able to take it, the first time was bad enough.

But Remus does not reject him - he does not say a word, actually. Instead, he holds Sirius' face in his hands and stares at him for some minutes. There are so many emotions swimming in his amber eyes, Sirius is afraid he will drown if they keep this eye lock. In the end, Remus pecks the tip of his nose and Sirius, unable to help himself, giggles.

"Well... there goes my professionalism," Remus says, but not in an irate way like Sirius expected. He was joking, and Sirius welcomed the joke as a cup of hot, steamy tea in the middle of a blizzard.

Sirius smiles. "Too bad, it looked sexy on you."

It is Remus who giggles now, and Sirius almost melts at the cute sound reaching his ears. "I... I think the photoshoot is over."

Sirius nods and, together, they take the elevator. They try to ignore it, but soon their need to kiss again is too much and they give in. Remus presses him against the cold wall and starts kissing his neck. Sirius' little resistance crumbles and he lets his voice express how much he is enjoying the photographer's attention, and, especially, the feeling the hard bulge against his thigh is provoking in him. 

When the elevator stops on Remus' floor, the photographer recedes brusquely. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes, wider than ever before, stare at Sirius, who is pressed against the wall, helpless. 

"Maybe... you shouldn't go in. Marlene will notice..."

"Sure..." Sirius mutters with a little smile. There is no way the smart girl was not going to notice, that is for sure.

"Ok, so... Bye." 

The two men move forward and then halt, not sure what to do now. Remus awkwardly stretches out his hand. Sirius laughs at him and takes it, but uses it to get Remus closer to him and then he grazes a sweet, timid kiss on his lips.

"Bye."

* * *

"This is a good one," Marlene says, showing him one of Sirius' pictures.   
  
Remus nods. "Yeah, maybe I could adjust the brightness a bit." Marlene writes it down and then goes to the next photograph.

"Oh my god, this one is superb! It should be the cover."

Remus looks at the Sirius in the computer screen. It is a close up of his face and a personal favourite of Remus. He is staring directly at the camera, his eyes shining under the sun. Remus knows what Marlene means, it is the perfect picture for the collection cover: his eyes are so expressive in this picture, it makes you instantly think about intimacy.

"Maybe... I haven't decided that yet." He states, trying to hide his true feelings about the picture.

"Ok, so next... Oh my god!" Marlene says again. 

Remus is staring at the screen, horrified. There, in front of their eyes, is an image of Sirius... and Remus, kissing. Marlene's mouth is wide open and, from one moment to the next, she starts laughing.

"You left the camera timer on, didn't you? You left it on and then you went and kissed the poor boy."

"Shut up," Remus mumbles, his cheeks flushed bright red.

Only when Marlene stops laughing, she talks again. "What the hell is going on with you and Black? You are going to break his heart."

"I am not going to break his heart!" Remus protests. "We just kissed."

  
"Once?" Marlene asks knowingly. Remus shakes his head.

"Three times," he states, hiding his face in his hands. "I just... I couldn't control myself. I think... I think I like him."

Marlene shrieks and beams. "Oh, Remus! Of course you do! I am so happy!"

"I am not!" Remus retorts, desperately. "This is not me. I am a professional photographer. What does this make me?"

Marlene rolls her eyes, and moves closer to him, grabbing his hands. Hers are soft and a bit cold, whereas Remus are calloused and warm. "Of course this is you, Remus. This is you, but letting yourself feel. How many times have I told you that you have to do that?"

Remus opens his mouth to talk, but Marlene shushes him. "You deserve this. And he seems to like you too... don't fuck this up, please." Marlene finishes, almost begging.

Remus looks at their holding hands and after a moment, he squeezes hers. "I won't... at least, I'll try not to."

* * *

They become their little habit, honestly. Remus and Sirius do not stop texting each other and whenever they are not with their phones glued to their hands, they are together. Sometimes, Sirius goes over to Remus' but most times they hang out in Sirius' flat.

Not all they do is spend their time with their tongues down each other's throat, and that is what Sirius like so much about their dates. Being with Remus is like being with an old friend, with whom you can talk about everything and nothing and laugh like stupid teenagers. With one little advantage: he gets to kiss and have sex with this friend. And he is attractive.

Not that they have had sex yet, which is something that does not stop whirling around Sirius' head. He wants to and he knows Remus does, too. Yet, the photographer seems to want to take things slow. Every time they are about to do it, he stops. Sirius is willing to wait - Remus is worth it - but it is getting harder and harder every day.

Especially right now, with Remus sprawled out gorgeously in his own bed, in nothing but his plain, black boxers. Sirius is tendering his neck with open-mouthed kisses and Remus is a moaning mess under him.

"God, you're so beautiful," Sirius mutters against Remus' skin, which tingles underneath him. 

He places small kisses on a small scar he discovers and he can feel Remus shudder. The amber-eyed man suddenly gets up and Sirius almost falls to the floor. He stares wide-eyed at Remus, who has his back to him, his head on his hands. 

"Remus, are you ok?" Sirius asks worriedly and attempts to touch his shoulder but the photographer moves away, startling Sirius. "Did I do something wrong?"

Remus shakes his head vigorously. "No, you did not. It's just..." Remus says in a choked voice, as though he were crying. "I'm hungry. Do you want pancakes?" 

Sirius nods absentmindedly and Remus rashly leaves the room.

Sirius stays for a while, trying to gather his thoughts. It is not the first time Remus acts this way, making Sirius feel like he did something wrong, as if he hurt him. 

He can hear him working in the kitchen and sighs when a delicious smell reaches his nose. He quickly gets dressed and gets out. A cup of coffee is already waiting on the table for him and on it, a post-it note. Sirius grins widely. Remus tends to leave some notes out for him. It is their little game.

 _I am sorry_ , Sirius reads with endearment and then notices that there is another note under the first one. 

_Your kisses are too much for me_ , reads the second one. Sirius puts the two notes on his back pocket and gets up to hug the man from behind. 

He keeps every one of the notes, even the one in which Remus jokingly scribbled _you're an asshole_. Remus does not know this, and Sirius intends for it to stay that way. He is afraid of his reaction, as the photographer often reminds him that this is casual. And Sirius perfectly knows that there is nothing casual about keeping your lover's notes and reading them every night before going to sleep.

He is truly, madly, deeply whipped for Remus. But he knows the feeling is not reciprocal.

* * *

James grabs his glass of whiskey with such force the bartender in front of him is afraid he will break it into tiny pieces. The bespectacled boy tries his best to ignore him, and the horrid feeling in the bottom of his stomach, too, and instead gulps the brown liquid down, his throat burning in response. He asks the barman for a refill. The nosey man blinks concernedly at him but does what he is told. 

"What's with the long face, Potter?" a smooth voice inquires next to him.   
  
James spins around and notices the alcohol on his veins is starting to do its job. Lily Evans is in front of him, smirking at the miserable boy. 

"I've realized I'm an ultimate failure, that's what happens," James grimly says in response, once he regains self-control of his brain. Evans cocks her eyebrows, inviting him to go on. "My audition went wrong,"

Her eyes glint and she smiles sympathetically at him. "And because of that, you are planning to drown yourself in that glass?"

James shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip of his drink. "I've been getting no after no for months now," His voice is heavy with sorrow and he can almost feel his shame weighing down upon his shoulders.

Lily asks the barman, who looks pleased that James has some company, for a gin tonic. He prepares it and hands it to her, who takes it gratefully. 

"And?" Lily seeks. "Do you know how many times I've been rejected in casting calls? At first, they said I needed to lose weight - but I was already too skinny! I kept going and every time they didn't cast me, I'd get sad - like _eat ice cream and cry while listening to Elton John sad_. But one day I had enough and I told myself that it was all bullshit. I didn't need to lose weight, I was perfectly healthy, and if they didn't want me, then fine. I could always get another job,"

When Lily finishes talking, she is breathing hard. James is staring at her, surprise and amazement filling his dark eyes. Lily blushes under the man's gaze. She has never been more thankful for dim lights.

"What I'm trying to say, Potter is that you'll be told no thousands of times, but it is no reason to get down. You go to your next audition and own it, ok? Once you start believing in yourself, things will probably get better. And if not, how do you see yourself pouring me drinks?"

James laughs, and it is a light, soft sound that sends shivers down her spine. 

"Better than that guy, at least," he says, pointing at their barman, who waves and smiles at them, obviously not aware that he is being the target of James' joke. "Look at you, Evans. You care about me. I've been dreaming about this for ages."

"I also have dreams about you," the redhead says with a little laugh. “I once dreamt that we kissed.” Lily teases James, who is looking at her with wide eyes. “Then I woke up and I couldn’t sleep for hours. It scared the shit out of me.”

James shakes his head and smiles fondly at her. "You ruined it."

* * *

Regulus walks down the streets, the faint clicking of his shoes against the pavement echoing in his ears. He fixes his sunglasses for the ninth time and, slyly, looks for any photographer that might be following him.

He sees no one and smiles, relieved for a moment. The last time he had been this nervous was back in his childhood, when he would hear the screams, the hitting and Sirius' pleading voice saying _"Mother, stop."_

Regulus stops short and watches as a tall, imposing building looks back at him. He firmly touches the button with the number 7 underneath. A feminine voice responds and Regulus is astonished for a second, though he easily regains his composure.

"I am Oliver Jones and I am here to see Mr Lupin," he says almost automatically.

"Yes, Mr Jones. I'll let you in." 

The buzzer makes a high-pitched sound and Regulus enters the building. He walks towards the elevator, but after a pause decides to take the stairs. He climbs each step slowly, even though he knows time is money.

Once on floor 7, Regulus knocks the only door there, at the end of the corridor. The same voice tells him to come in and Regulus complies. 

The woman is sitting at her desk, her eyes glued to the computer. Regulus is thankful for that, although he knows that once she looks at him, hell will break loose.

"I'll go get Mr Lupin, please make yourself comfortable," she says, getting up yet still not looking at him.

* * *

Remus stares at Sirius, who is fast asleep next to him. There is something about the model that makes Remus feel safe. Whenever they are together, Remus forgets about all his worries and just lets himself go. 

Someone knocks at his bedroom door and Remus nearly jumps out the bed, astounded. Who could be on the other side of the door, when the only other person is his flat was next to him?

He approaches the door slowly and when he opens it, he is partly relieved when he sees Marlene, although the other part of him is still confused.

"What are you doing here?" Remus asks, closing the door behind him.

Marlene frowns. "Working?" she offers him, her voice as astonished as Remus is feeling. "Why are you almost naked? You have an interview!"

"It's Sunday, Marlene!" 

Marlene's eyes go wide and she rapidly checks her phone. As soon as she does, her expression goes from confused to exasperated. She raises her phone in front of him and Remus reads _Monday, 20 November._

"Bloody hell!" he says and closes the door in her face.

He grabs his pants and shirt from the floor and quickly puts them on, making sure to be as silent as possible to not wake Sirius up. Seven minutes later, Remus comes out of his bedroom once again. Marlene is grinning. 

"Who is the interview with?" he asks as he tries to fix his hair, although to no avail. 

"Oliver Jones. He is a 22 years old model from Birmingham and he is interested in the collection." Marlene tells him as they walk to the living room. "He is right there." She says, lazily signalling her desk behind her, without turning around.

Remus raises his eyes and, in shock, gasps. The person standing in the middle of his flat is not Oliver Jones but Regulus Black himself. Remus grabs Marlene and takes her to his office, hoping the younger Black did not see him.

"What the fuck?" he frantically whispers.

"What?" Marlene says loudly and Remus has to shush her.

"That is not Oliver Jones!"

"Do you know Oliver Jones?"

"No!" Remus cries out, desperately pulling his hair. "But I know he is not Oliver Jones because he is Regulus Black!"

"No way!" Marlene screams and Remus covers her mouth. Marlene's green eyes, wide as saucers, stare at him in disbelief.

"Did you not notice it was him!? You are always talking about the Blacks," he asks, releasing her.

Marlene shakes his head. "I didn't see him. I was busy."

Remus sighs shakily and closes his eyes. "Siriusishere," he states in an unintelligible way.

"What?"

Remus shakes his head in a sign of stress. "Sirius Black is in my bedroom,"

"Oh my god!" Marlene exclaims happily. Remus sometimes cannot understand this woman.

"No! Not oh my god! This is bad! If Sirius sees Regulus, you know what could happen? They hate each other,"

Marlene raises one eyebrow. "It is not my fault he is here, I am not the one having sex with him,"

Remus looks pointedly at her, anger dancing in his amber eyes. "We didn't have—" Remus starts but then stops himself. "Look, make sure Sirius does not see him, ok? I'll bring Regulus to my office. Just don't let him come here if he wakes up,"

Marlene nods. Remus breathes out, deeply and gets out of his office. Regulus has his back to him, as he is observing some of the pictures hanging in the living room.

"Mr Black," Remus says, his voice tense. 

Regulus turns around, a smirk decorating his plump, red lips. It is a smile so different from Sirius', so cold and sardonic. When Sirius smiles, Remus feels warm. Nonetheless, the Black brother in front of him makes him shiver unpleasantly.

"Ah, I see my fake identity did not last long," 

He offers a hand to shake and Remus doubts for a minute before he takes it. The grip is tight and Remus counts the seconds to be released.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr Black?" Remus asks, trying to colour his voice with confidence.

"I have something to offer you, Mr Lupin."


	7. Chapter 7

Regulus saunters into Remus' office and sits without being told to. Remus, with his back to him, lets out a dreary sigh and shuts the door, enclosing them in what unquestionably is a trap for the photographer.

Remus settles down and locks eyes with Regulus. His are grey, just like Sirius', except they are completely different. Sirius' eyes are lighter, and they are always deep and shining. Regulus', though, are hollow, no emotion visible.

"So, Mr Lupin, I am here to offer you a deal."

Regulus talks firmly and a bit too loud. His voice reminds him of Sirius, although where Sirius' is careless and smooth, Regulus' is robot-like and sharp.

Remus presses his lips. "I am sorry, Mr Black. But I guess it will be of no interest of mine." His answer comes out strong, however, it seems to not faze the young man.

Regulus shakes his head indifferently and offers him a tight smile. "I know you are working with my brother, but why would that be an obstacle for us working together?"

Remus waggles his eyebrows and shifts in his place. "Work together?"

Regulus does not reply instantly. Instead, he gets up and observes one of the pictures decorating the walls. It is Remus' first shot as a professional photographer: the London Eye, covered in snow, staring back at them with its thirty-two eyes.

He then goes to the coat rack next to the door and smirks wickedly when he sees a leather jacket hanging there. _Sirius' leather jacket._ Remus freezes.

"Not quite your style." Regulus gushes as if he discovered something of great value. Remus does not respond, trying to let it slide, pretending nothing happened. "Back to the topic at hand, I want to be part of your collection. _Intimacy_ , isn't it?"

Remus narrows his eyes, which follow the model as he sits back in his place. "No," he jibes. The word leaves his mouth before he can stop himself, yet Remus knows it was the right thing to say — the _only_ thing to say.

Regulus laughs coldly and venomously and it's nothing like Sirius' laugh, which turns his legs to jelly. _Stop comparing them,_ he reprimands himself. 

"Don't be so quick to dismiss my proposition, Mr Lupin," Regulus declaims. "Because if you say no, you'll regret it."

Remus cannot help himself and lets out a dry and derisive laugh. "Why would I regret not working with you, Mr Black, when the little things I know about you do not make you look good but the total opposite?"

"Because," he starts and a heavy and awful feeling sits on the pit of Remus' stomach. "If you don't let me be part of the collection, then everyone will know about your mother's accident, your father's abuse and the orphanage."

Remus goes rigid in place and all at once his mind is being attacked by different images: his mother motionless on the empty road, his father taking off his belt and hitting him with it, Professor Dumbledore welcoming him to the orphanage. 

Remus shakes his head and fights back the tears that threaten to come out. "How the hell do you know about that?"

Regulus shrugs his shoulders dismissively, as Remus frowns at him in annoyance. "We did our research," Black simply states as if Remus should have known. _Well, you should have_ , a voice inside of his head says, which sounds extremely similar to Marlene's. "There's another thing, you have to apply _method b._ "

Remus shivers and he feels himself losing control of his body; his heart clenches, his eyes widen and his throat constricts. He opens his mouth, trying to utter a word, but nothing comes out.

"I told you, Mr Lupin, we did our research." He repeats. "You have 48 hours to make your decision. In two days I'll call you and you'll give me your answer."

He does not wait for Remus to reply. He gets up and goes to the door and when he is about to leave, Remus finally speaks.

"Can't you see?" Remus growls, desperation filling his voice. "They are using you, they even ask you to sell yourself like a prostitute."

Regulus' eyes darken for a second. "You are one to talk." the younger Black spits, eventually leaving the room and a very perplexed Remus behind.

* * *

The sunlight pours through the crack in the blinds as Sirius lazily opens his eyes, still half-asleep. He rubs his eyes with the inside of his palms and sits up.

Remus is nowhere to be seen, and a strange feeling invades his body - something similar to disappointment. He greatly enjoys those days in which he wakes up next to a dozing Remus, who looks even more beautiful, although Sirius' infatuated mind did not believe it possible.

Sirius gets up, the numb feeling in his legs slowly fading away. He grabs his clothes and puts them on. Then, once ready, Sirius leaves the room in the hope of finding Remus.

He does not find him, but he does stumble across Marlene, who is standing nervously in front of the bedroom door, her eyes wide and her legs shaking.

"Hey, I thought I heard you!" she says in a whisper.

Sirius narrows his eyes at her, who weakly smiles at him. "Are you ok, Marlene?"

She nods strenuously. "Sure. Are you hungry?" 

Her hysterical tone is starting to annoy Sirius, who is still not fully awake. "Yeah," he says in an uninterested manner. "Where's Remus?"

Marlene's cheeks flush bright red and Sirus raises his eyebrows at her, suspicious. She does not speak for several minutes and when she does, her voice is barely audible.

"He... he's coming back in a while. He had something to do."

Sirius blinks. "Oh! I'll leave, then." Sirius closes Remus' bedroom door and walks towards the living room, Marlene following him closely. "Shit, I forgot my jacket in Remus' office."

Marlene stares at him, horror etched in her white face, which is whiter than ever. Sirius shakes his head in plain confusion and turns around.

Regulus is standing in front of him, a vague and sardonic smile plastered on his face. Remus is behind him, his expression similar to Marlene's. Sirius does not know what his face might look like right now, but if it is similar to what he is feeling inside him - rage, confusion, pain and - overall - heavy disillusionment - it must not look pretty.

"Hello, Sirius." is what Regulus says after several minutes of complete silence.

* * *

Regulus leaves immediately but the feeling his presence provoked in Sirius lingers in the air, threatening to asphyxiate all of them. The silence is dreadful yet Sirius knows what is coming is going to be worse.

He feels the need to shout, he feels it in the burning in his throat, in the ache in his chest, in the shakiness in his legs and arms. He feels it in his eyes, which are filled with tears that promise to make their way through his face at any moment. Remus attempts to talk, but instead, Sirius stares at him opening and closing his mouth like a dying fish.

“We didn’t know he was going to come, Sirius!” It is Marlene who talks first. Sirius forgot she is here. “He gave us a fake name and asked for an interview!” she tells him, fear colouring her voice.

Sirius sighs and then stands straight, trying to recompose himself. Remus is still making the attempt to utter a word, without avail.

“What did he want?” He asks, breathlessly. He knows the answer, or at least he can imagine it. Sirius always knew this moment was going to come, but he preferred to ignore it until it happened. Until now.

Remus swallows hard and blinks a few times and then speaks for the first time, his voice harsh and weak at the same time. “To be in the collection,” is his short and simple answer. “He-” All of a sudden, Remus stops talking.

“You said no, right?” Sirius says with a laugh, which is all pain and no fun. Sirius heart clenches when Remus does not reply and just gawks at him, a sad expression sitting in the face Sirius learnt to adore. “Remus, please tell me you said no. Please.” Sirius begs. He is not used to this; he does not beg. Usually, people beg for him. Yet, here he is, a completely different person thanks to Remus Lupin, who came into his life to destroy everything he believed real about himself. The worst thing is he kind of likes this new him.

“He gave me 48 hours to think about it…” Remus says softly, afraid his words will hurt Sirius. They do.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO THINK?” Sirius finally explodes and both Marlene and Remus flinch, scared by the sudden and extreme change in his voice. “Remus, I told you everything they did to me! If you work with Regulus, you are working with my parents!”

“I know!” screams Remus. “It is not that easy!”

Sirius glares at him, disappointment flooding his face. “I’m going to make this really easy for you, Remus. I’m leaving! And I don’t want to be part of your fucking collection. Call Regulus and tell him the part is all his. And please, do me a favour, if you implement _method a,_ ask him why he never took my side, why he always stood there, watching them beating me.”

Remus' face reddens at his words and the realization of what it means hits Sirius hard in the chest.

“Oh, God. You would implement _method b_ with him, wouldn’t you?” he cries out, his voice surcharged with disgust. Remus, again, does not say anything.

Not that Sirius gives him time to speak, in a second he is out of the flat, forgetting his jacket, which, later, is no longer in the coat rack but in the hands of a silent and regretful Remus.

* * *

When James gets into the audition room, the sun still breaks into the hallway through the large windows. When he gets out, the sun has set and the only sources of lighting are the blinking streetlights and the full moon.

James breathes out and smiles widely. His first thought is to call Sirius, so he goes to his contacts. He suddenly stops at the sight of _Evans_ on his phone, a contact he always wanted to have and finally has. 

He does not think it twice, not that he ever stops to think things thoroughly, and presses the green button. The annoying _beep_ sounds more than six times – James is definitely not counting them – and he is about to hang up when a smooth voice speaks. James shivers.

“Potter?” She wonders, surprise crystal clear in her voice.

“Evans!” He shouts, animatedly. “Your advice worked!”

He can hear Lily chuckle and then she asks, her usual playful tone present. “What are you on about?”

“I got the part! Thanks to you.”

“Bullshit, it is thanks to you.” She says and James can hear her smile. “Congratulations, James!”

James freezes, the sound of his name – and not his surname – coming out of her mouth makes him smirk with emotion. 

“I want to ask you out on a date, Lily.” He says with bravery. “I know you’ll probably say no. But you are worth everything. So, I, James F. Potter, ask you out, Lily Evans, on a date. What do you say?”

Lily laughs. “Yes.” She answers and James tries his best not to scream in the middle of the street. “But only if you tell me what the F stands for.” 

* * *

Sirius has been driving around in his bike for an hour now, and he has no intention of stopping. He does not know where to go. His flat probably still smells of Remus and he is not ready for that. He does not want to go to James’ either, as he knows he will have to talk about it and that is another thing he is not prepared for.

So, he just wanders around the city until he spots a pub and the sudden need for a drink invades his body. He hops off the bike and enters the place, its lights dim and a soft song playing in the background.

He goes straight to the bar and asks for a glass of vodka. The bartender does not even look at him and hands him his drink, which Sirius takes gratefully.

The alcohol does not burn his throat, used to it. Sirius keeps drinking for the next thirty minutes and he begins feeling it attacking his body when he sees Kingsley.

Sirius rolls his eyes when the man smiles cockily at him, yet he stands up and walks to him. He is alone, sitting in one of those high and uncomfortable chairs Sirius hates so much.

“Of all people I could bump into…” Kingsley says mockingly as a way of greeting him. 

Sirius sits next to him, their legs barely touching, and seizes Kingsley’s brown drink from his hands and takes a significant sip from it. Kingsley smirks.

“I agree,” He retorts, his tone not as playful as the other man’s. The amount of alcohol in his body cannot make him forget about today’s events.

The rest of the night flies by, and before Sirius can figure out what he is doing, Kingsley is hugging him around the waist as the dark-haired man rides his bike to his ex-boyfriend's house.

He knows it is a bad idea, yet he cannot stop – he does not want to. He needs to forget Remus, Regulus and everyone in his life. He needs to forget the image of Regulus and Remus in the same room. He needs to breathe.

When they arrive, Kingsley opens the door to him and Sirius comes in. The place changed little ever since they broke up, but it no longer holds the feeling of being home as it did before.

They sit down on Kingsley’s black leather sofa. Back to when they were together, he joked that if Sirius were to transform into a couch, then he would look like this one. Sirius smiles warmly at the memory.

They talk about everything. Kingsley tells him about France, where he has been working for the last two years – he left when they ended things. Sirius tells him about how much his life changed since _that_ night in which he told the whole world his truth. Kingsley stares at him in amazement and moves closer.

“You were so brave, Sirius.” The other model confides. “I wanted to call you to tell you how proud I was but I never had the guts.”

Sirius gives him a small smile and looks away in order to hide his feelings from the man. Kingsley puts his large hand on his face and makes Sirius look at him. 

The familiar scent invades his nostrils and Sirius closes his eyes, enjoying it. He feels Kingsley moving closer and then his lips are on Sirius’

Sirius tries to resist at first but finally gives in and kisses the other man softly. They move with ease, their mouths knowing each other perfectly. Sirius grabs a fistful of Kingsley’s hair and tugs gently, making him moan. 

The spell is broken by his cell phone ringing. Sirius moves away and groans, uttering his apologies as he gets up and takes his phone from his back pocket.

He freezes when he sees the name on the screen. Remus is calling him and he wants to hang up on him, he really does. Nonetheless, he answers after a shaky breath.

“What do you want?” He hisses angrily.

“Sirius, let me explain, please.”

Remus’ voice is broken and, for a moment, Sirius would like nothing more than to be there and hold the man close to him. Then, the image of Regulus and him together creeps into his mind and forgets about it.

“You had your chance.” He growls. Kingsley is staring concernedly at him.

“Please, Sirius.” Remus implores. “Come home and I’ll explain everything. I swear.”

The word _home_ slaps Sirius in the face. “I can’t. I am with Kingsley.” He claims, ashamed by how much he wants to hurt Remus.

“Wh- What?” Remus inquires, rueful.

Sirius hangs up. The abrupt silence engulfs him and Sirius feels like he is drowning. He does not know when he starts crying, nor does he know when Kingsley gets up and hugs him. Yet, Sirius lets his tears fall and lets the other man hold him as years of suffering are finally expressed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I know it's been a while but between university and my job, I do not have time to sit down and write.

“Hey, Sirius. It’s me again, Remus. I really need to talk to you. Please, call me back.”

“Sirius, please. I know you are mad at me and you have every right to be. But please, just let me explain.”

“This is unfair. You are not giving me a fucking chance to explain what happened! Fuck you.”

“I miss you.”

Marlene takes his phone from his hands and Remus would protest if it were not for the fact that he is too exhausted to. And, also, because he knows it is the best thing his friend can do for him.

The past days have been a nightmare. Remus spends most of his time looking at Sirius’ pictures, drinking or staring at his phone, sometimes hopeful of getting a call from the older Black brother and other times he looks at it with dread in his eyes, afraid of seeing the younger Black brother’s name on the screen. 

He knows time is running off. Today is his last day to make up his mind and give the Black family a definite answer. He knows what he is going to say – he knew it as soon as Sirius had slammed the door at him and stormed out. Yet he is not sure he is prepared for what will definitely come when he expresses his decision.

“Hey,” Marlene says, interrupting his thoughts. She hands him a cup of tea, which he takes gratefully. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk about it, but…”

“I do.” He cuts in. Marlene blinks at him and offers him a small smile. “I just… I am still trying to process everything.”

Marlene nods her head, making some of her blonde curls fall in her white, diamond-shaped face. “Maybe if you tell me about it, it’ll help you.”

Remus assents and takes some minutes before he speaks again. “He wanted to be in the collection. Of course, his parents made him come here. He even told me that if I agreed I had to apply _method b.”_

Marlene looks at him, a clear expression of disgust set in her face. “Why would they do that?”

Remus squeezes his eyes shut and sighs. “To get at Sirius. I don’t know how they know about the method or me being with him, but they do.”

Marlene’s green eyes bore into him. “I’m sorry, Remus. But you two were not subtle at all. You go out together all the time, Sirius comes here regularly. It was kind of obvious. There are paparazzi outside the building at all times. They even tried to talk to me.” Marlene’s lips draw back in a snarl. “And for how they know about your method, someone must have told them. Someone who knows about it and maybe is a bit… pissed off at you.”

Remus’ jaw goes slack. “Benjy?”

Marlene shrugs her shoulders and suddenly everything makes sense to Remus. Marlene is not on the same page, though. “What I don’t understand, Remus is why you are even thinking about saying yes or no. You know better than getting involved with them."

Remus’ lower lip trembles and Marlene gazes at him with concern shining in her eyes. “They are blackmailing me,” Remus confesses. He looks away and hears Marlene gasp. “They found out about my mother, my father and even about the fucking orphanage!” He ends the sentence with a scream full of pain.

Tears shine in Marlene’s eyes. She opens her mouth to talk but nothing comes out. Marlene is the only person who knows about his story and she knows Remus prefers not to talk about it. She also knows that the media bringing it out in the open would destroy the photographer.

“So, what are you going to do?” She finally utters, her voice coming out as a whisper.

He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug at the same time his phone starts to go off. Remus’ and Marlene’s widened eyes meet and the photographer quickly reaches for it. He freezes when he sees Regulus’ name.

With a heart-wrenching sigh, he answers the call, leaving it on speaker. “Hello?” is all Remus can say.

“Well, hello, Mr Lupin.” It is not Regulus who talks back to him, but a female, hoarse voice. Remus shivers when he realizes he must be speaking with Sirius’ mother. “It is a pleasure to finally talk to you.”

“I’m afraid the sentiment is not reciprocal,” Remus states in a stupid moment of bravery. He can almost hear the woman’s snarl.

“Ah, Lupin. You don’t want to be an enemy of mine. I assure you.” Remus does not reply. He does not know what to say, in all honesty. “We need an answer, I am afraid.”

Remus’ chest rises and falls with rapid breaths. Marlene is boring her eyes on him, nearly as nervous as he is. “You are in luck, then,” he frames politely, not letting his true emotions get in his voice. “I have it.”

“And?” The woman sneers. There is something in her voice that makes Remus sure he will not sleep placidly tonight. 

“No.” 

Marlene gasps and puts her hand on her mouth, shocked. For one second, he believes he hears the same from the other side of the line but then shakes his head.

“Mr Lupin,” Sirius’ mother says, her tone low and infuriated now, so different from the cynical, high-pitched one from before. “You are making a huge mistake. We will leak all the information we have.”

Remus looks away from the phone, the consequences of his drastic decision weighing on him. “I don’t care,” he lies. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. None of the pieces of information you have is about me doing something wrong but wrong things being done or happening to me.”

The woman is laughing now and he also hears male snorts, which Remus thinks are not from Regulus. The photographer is not even sure if he is on the other side.

“Fine,” the woman hisses slowly as if she wants every word to burn in Remus’ memory. “Your choice, Mr Lupin. Regulus, finish the call.”

Remus stares at the phone, his amber eyes wide. There is only silence for a couple of minutes. Then, Regulus finally speaks, his voice breathless. 

“They are not lying, Remus,” Regulus says in such a low whisper both him and Marlene have a hard time hearing. “They’ll do it.”

Remus hesitates and seems to be at a loss for words, surprised by how Regulus is talking to him: he appears to be genuinely worried, so different from the one who visited two days before. He then is hit by the realization that this _is_ Regulus, the real one and not the one who follows his parents’ rules as if he were a cold-hearted robot.

“Let them do it,” is the last thing he says before he hangs up.

Marlene is wrapping her arms around him in a second and, without Remus noticing, they both start sobbing as they engulf each other in a hard, so-needed hug.

* * *

Sirius stares at Kingsley from his table on the coffee shop. The place is crowded with people, many of whom fail in looking at him slyly or taking pictures of him without Sirius noticing.

He does not care, though. In fact, the more pictures that are taken of him, the better. He also noticed that several paparazzi followed them both and are now outside the building, their cameras ready.

Kingsley arrives with two plastic cups in his hands. He gives the larger one to Sirius, who takes it with a warm smile. Kingsley smirks back, all white teeth and endearment in his smile. Sirius feels a sharp, aching pang of guilt in his chest.

“I’m so glad you accepted to come,” Kingsley starts and the twinge gets even more painful. “I know… I know that maybe we can’t be what we were before but… I’d like to give it a shot. What do you think?”

Sirius fakes a smile, which Kingsley, given the happy glint in his dark eyes, takes a _yes._

They drink their coffees in silence. Kingsley slips his hand into his. Sirius closes his eyes and for a moment goes back two years ago. This felt good back then when they would go out, away from his parents and judgemental looks. Now, though, Sirius was doing it only for the cameras and the warm shiver that would run through his body before is no longer there. 

Once they finish drinking their coffees, both men get out of the shop to the chilly November air, which hits them straight in the face. As soon as they are outside, the photographers are taking pictures of them and Sirius takes advantage of the situation and kisses the man full on the mouth.

Kingsley is shocked at first but after a few seconds responds with all the force he has. The kiss is rough, a bit sloppy too, and it warms their bodies. He feels the flashes from the cameras on his naked skin, yet decides to ignore them. He loses himself in the savoury feeling of kissing Kingsley for a moment until the other man moves away.

He is not met with what he expects. The scowl on Kingsley’s face hits him hard in the chest. He starts walking towards Sirius’ bike and he follows him, silently. Once there, Kingsley speaks.

“I want you to take me home and then we’ll never do this again.” He whispers, his voice nearly lost in the roar of the traffic behind them.

“What?” Sirius inquires, confusion welling up inside him. Fear, too.

“You’ve been more focused on the cameras than on our date,” Kingsley states, his voice void of emotion. “This was stupid of me. The other day you told me everything about that Lupin guy and now I ask you on a date. I’m an idiot.”

It is true. The other day, after Remus called him interrupting his kiss with Kingsley, Sirius had told everything to him: their work together, their meeting, his feeling for the photographer, their fight. Everything. It was stupid of him to believe that Kingsley was not going to realize he was doing all of this to make Remus jealous.

“Kingsley…” Sirius attempts to say but Kingsley silences him with a dismissive movement of his hands.

“Just take me home, Sirius,” he urges.

* * *

Lily is waiting for James on the steps of her building on Regent Street, a slight smile on her red-painted lips, which match the blush on her cheeks. James gets out of his car and approaches her, also carrying a smile that has been there ever since he left his house. 

  
“Hey,” James greets her. He does not trust his brain to say any other thing.

  
Lily giggles and kisses his cheek, which warms under her touch. As soon as they get in the car, they start talking. Lily tells him about her latest work and James can't help but admire the sparkle in her eyes when she does. James, for his part, tells her about the new play in which he will be the protagonist. He is amazed when he notices that the redhead is genuinely interested in what he says and his heart stops for a moment when she tells him that she is dying to go see it.

  
Finally at the restaurant, they wait for their orders as they keep talking, now about their families. James’ eyes are flooded with love as he tells her about his parents and Sirius. When James asks her about her family, her face darkens.

  
“They live in Surrey,” she tells him in a low whisper. She takes a great sip of her red wine and then continues. “I talk to my parents every day but… I don’t talk to my sister. We don’t get along.”

  
James knows it is better not to ask and is glad that the waiter interrupts their conversation bringing their orders. Lily asked for a fancy dish James does not even know how to pronounce, whereas the actor ordered fish and chips.

  
“I am here to honour the British in me,” He jokes when he sees the model staring at his dish.

  
Lily laughs out loud, earning some curious glances from the other diners, but she only has eyes for her date. James begins to get a little nervous, and, out of habit, he ruffles his hair. The redhead gazes at him with a mocking smile.

  
“I never thought I’d leave the great James Potter speechless.”

  
James narrows his eyes at her yet he smiles warmly. “I never thought you’d say yes to a date with me, honestly.” Lily shrugs her shoulders and offers him a seductive smile and then hides it behind her glass of wine. “Why did you hate me so much?”

  
Lily chortles and puts her glass down. “I never hated you. But at first, you were a bit… You were a jerk.”

  
James nods because he knows she is right. Even Sirius, the biggest jerk he has ever known, once told him he needed to stop with that attitudes.

  
“But then… you matured. And the other day, at the bar, I realized you were actually a nice person… And you are quite handsome, too.”

  
James grins at her and grabs her hand. He practically celebrates when the redhead does not retreat her hand from his but squeezes it.

* * *

Sirius watches the distant lights of the city dancing on the sky through the large window of his apartment, in a vain attempt to distract his mind. Since arriving at his house after the terrible and failed date with Kingsley, Sirius has been unable to think of anything else. Guilt corrodes his body and Sirius knows he deserves it.

Kingsley was his first love and, beyond that, he was one of the people who suffered the most at the hands of Sirius' parents. Unmistakably, he doesn't deserve that years later, his ex-boyfriend uses him to make another boy jealous - a boy who, by the way, betrayed Sirius in the worst way imaginable: allying himself with his family, the same one that destroyed his psyche ever since has memory. 

Sirius gets up from his spot in his couch and goes to the kitchen. He grabs a glass and pours some old whiskey James once got him in one of his tours. It tastes awful, yet Sirius swallows it down, thinking that it is all he is entitled to. 

He returns to the living room and sits down again, turning on the TV and leaving it on a stupid gossip show, those that he hated so much. He takes another sip of his drink and chokes, not because of its horrid taste but because Remus is staring at him from the television screen.

“According to reliable sources, Remus Lupin, the famous photographer who was rumoured to be dating top model Sirius Black, had a tough childhood. When he was only seven years old, he lost his mother to a terrible car accident. He then was abused for several years by his father, who used to hit him, claiming that his son was guilty of his wife’s death. He went to an orphanage at the age of 11, when his father, Lyall Lupin, was imprisoned. If you want to hear more about this tragic story, stay tuned.”

The words tumbling from the blond journalist’s mouth leave Sirius breathless. They do not even make much sense to him and processing them seems to be impossible. He has the sudden urge to call Remus, to ask him what that was all about. But then, it dawns on him. He does not need to call him anymore. Sirius understands what just happened.

This is not Remus' doing. This is the terrible, evil, and obvious work of his parents. Remus did not expose his story, he simply had no choice. And then Sirius understands even more. Remus did not betray him but on the contrary: he allowed his story, which he had not even told Sirius himself, to be leaked so as not to work with them.

Remus did it for Sirius. The model well knows that working with Regulus, and consequently with the Black couple, would even help with his career. But Remus, Sirius now realizes, could never work with the people who did so much damage to Sirius.

 _He cares_ , is the gratifying thought that runs through Sirius's mind from one end to the other. 

He clumsily picks up his cell phone, which almost falls out of his hands. His fingers automatically take him to Remus' chat, which has been empty for several days - and which Sirius enters daily but ends up writing absolutely nothing.

After a few minutes of debating with his own mind whether or not it was a good idea to call him, he taps the phone-shaped button. His heart starts pounding in his chest when Remus's photo comes to the fore. When the photographer answers, Sirius is sure his heart will explode at any moment.

On the other line, there is only silence but for the heavy breaths of Remus. 

“Hey,” is all Sirius can say. His throat feels as dry as it has ever felt. Remus acknowledges him with a grunt. “I… I saw the news.”

Remus exhales a shaky breath now and there is nothing Sirius wants more than to be there.

“Remus… I am so sorry. It was them, right?”

“Yes.” The photographer states. His voice sounds atypically weak as if he had been crying.

“I’m so sorry,” Sirius repeats. “Why?” He asks, and then he realizes it is a stupid thing to ask. Remus, anyway, answers, his voice a little steadier.

“They threatened to leak my story if I didn’t accept to work with them,” Remus explains, his voice not giving away his feelings. “I still refused.” After a long pause, Remus keeps talking. “I would have never done that to you, Sirius. The fact that you believed I would… it hurt me to my very core.”

Sirius is trembling as his mind rushes to find a suitable answer, which, apparently, is impossible. “Remus… I am so sorry. I just… I saw Regulus and then you said that you were going to think about it and… you have to understand…”

“I do,” Remus says dryly. “That’s the thing. I understand why you felt the way you felt but you didn’t even try to understand me. I called you. I left you all kinds of voicemails and you never answered.”

Sirius stays silent and when he breaks the silence, his voice is barely audible. “I need to see you, please. We need to talk. I want to see you. Please.”

Here he is again, begging Remus. Sirius does not even try to grasp in his mind why he is so confident with everyone else but when it comes to the photographer he becomes a horrible mess.

“Ok.”

* * *

Sirius tells him that he will be over in fifteen minutes and Remus rushes to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. He spends several, valuable minutes in front of his wardrobe, wondering what he should wear.

When the bell rings, Remus jumps in his place, astounded. He lets Sirius in and in only a matter of minutes, the black-haired is in front of him, a nervous smile set on his face. Remus lets him into the flat.

They stand awkwardly in the middle of the living room, facing each other but saying nothing. The atmosphere, so tense and unpleasant, could be cut with a knife. 

“Remus, I’m so sorry. For everything. For what I did to you and for everything that happened to you in your past.” Remus cringes and looks away. “Is… everything that they are saying true?”

Remus breathes in. “I… I… can’t.” He tries to find the right words but they fail him. “I’m sorry… I can’t talk about it… But yes.” He finally confirms while shutting his eyes.

He feels Sirius hand on his right cheek. Remus snaps his amber eyes open and finds Sirius staring directly at him. He has a look of regret on his face – but there is something else, something Remus has a hard time deciphering.

Remus turns his head and kisses Sirius’ palm. He does not know what drives him to do that. Maybe it is the fact that any act of empathy and comfort will seem like a great gesture to Remus and he wants to show his gratitude. Or maybe it is because he missed the man in front of him so much these last days and he just _needs him_.

Remus believes the latter is the correct option.

Sirius steps closer. Remus tentatively moves his hand to the man’s hair and draws their heads near. Then, they are kissing.

It is not like any other kiss they have ever shared. This kiss denotes adoration, lust, but overall, an apology. They kiss as if there were not a tomorrow. Sirius’ tongue travels around Remus’ mouth as he also leaves no portion of the photographer’s skin untouched. Remus brings them even closer and they become one.

Sirius leaves his mouth and moves to Remus’ neck. The amber-eyed man moans. “Bed… Bedroom.” He stutters. Sirius moves away and gazes at him, a question written all over his face.

“Are you sure?” Remus just nods and kisses him again, as he walks them to his bedroom. Once in front of the door, as they are about to enter, Remus freezes and backs away.

“I… I need to tidy it a bit, first. Wait here.”

Remus does not wait for an answer. Instead, he closes the door in front of Sirius, who has a confused expression sitting on his face. Remus goes to his mother’s picture, which hangs over his bed. He moves to take it down but stops midway. 

Every time he takes someone to his bedroom, he makes sure to not leave any object related to his mother on sight. Now, though, he wants Sirius to see them. He wants Sirius to know about him and his story. He wants to open up.

He opens the door and grabs Sirius by the collar of his black shirt. Sirius gives him a bewildered smile.

“I want to make love to you.” Remus declares, his voice cracking at the end. He feels exposed and it is an odd and unfamiliar feeling, yet he knows Sirius would never use it against him. 

“Make love to me.” Sirius practically pleads.

Remus complies.

* * *

Sirius wakes up, the sun on his face and the birds chirping. He giggles when he realizes how stupid and cheesy it sounds and then shuts his mouth in horror when he registers that _he giggled._

He opens his eyes slowly and sees Remus sitting on the bed, staring at him. He is nervously biting one of his hands’ nails and in the other, he is holding a piece of yellow paper.

“Hey,” Sirius greets him with his raspy voice. Remus smiles at him.

“Hey,” he says back. Then, he hands him the piece of paper. “I need you to read this.”

“What is this?”

Remus’ eyes flicker with sorrow. “It is my story. I want to show you that I trust you. I want to open up but… I can’t speak about it. So, I wrote it. I’m sorry I just can’t…”

“Hey!” Sirius interrupts him, stopping Remus’ ranting. “It is ok. It’d be perfectly ok if you didn’t want to tell me, too. This is your story, Remus and it is entirely your choice to tell me or not about it. But thank you so much for trusting me.”

Remus’ pupils dilates and his jaw tightens. “Just… read it. Please.”

Sirius takes the piece of paper from his hands. It is of the same material of those small notes – love notes – Remus would leave for him everywhere when they were together. Sirius looks up, eyes glistening, and nods at Remus, who gets up and leaves him alone.

With a heavy heart, Sirius starts reading.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long. It's the same excuse as always, sadly: college and my job are driving me crazy. I hope you like this chapter!

“I almost always remember my mother with a camera in her hands. In fact, she was the one who taught me what today I do with great passion. There are times, though, I remember her like the last time I saw her. Bloody, hurt, dead. Maybe it was not as bad as my mind keeps reminding me, but she hunts me in my worst nightmares, those that wake you up with cold sweat running down your back.”

Sirius moves his eyes away from the piece of paper in his hands. It is only the beginning of Remus’ note and Sirius cannot take it. He imagines what is coming is going to be even more heart-wrenching, yet he has a hard time imagining himself feeling worse than how he is feeling right now. He keeps reading, much to his despair.

“The accident, because I need to remind myself that it was that: an accident, was so stupid sometimes I think it would be great material for a comedy. 

It was late at night, my mother was driving and I refused to put on my seatbelt because I was angry at her. Why? Bloody hell, because she did not buy me a toy I saw at the petrol station’s shop. She was scolding me and she unfastened her seatbelt to put mine on and then, suddenly, we hit a tree. She went flying out of the window. I remember screaming, maybe it was me or maybe it was her. I remember running to her and I didn’t know if she was alive or not, so I did the only thing I could think of: I called 911. 

At the hospital, they called my father but I knew what was going on: she was dead. I knew it because of the way they all looked at me. Then my father arrived and I told him what had happened. God, I regret it every single day. Ever since then, he blamed me, his seven years old son, for her death and he started being the abusive prick I’ve told you about. Once, he hit me so hard I ended up in the hospital, the same one where my mother had died, and my father went to prison. 

I didn’t have any family and I was only ten, so they took me to the nearest orphanage: Professor Dumbledore’s. He was a nice man and he always said that there was something special about me. When I arrived there, I did with a few pieces of clothing in one hand and with my mother’s camera in the other. I showed Dumbledore the pictures I took one day and he said that he’d paid me if I became the orphanage’s photographer (like such thing exists) I saved all that money and when I was eighteen I had enough to rent a shitty flat in London and start working as a professional photographer. 

This is my story. The real one and not the one your parents are so determined to get out there. I am so sorry I did not tell you before, especially since you told me everything about you, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I am flawed and I don’t have a past I should be proud of, but that does not change the fact that I am a much better person now. I am a person who is healing, and thanks to you I am doing it so much faster.”

Sirius puts the note down and realizes he is crying. He slowly gets up and leaves the bedroom. Remus is waiting for him sitting in the living room, his hands around a mug of steamy tea and his shiny eyes staring at a point in the distance. Sirius clears his throat and only then does Remus acknowledge his presence.

“So?” Remus asks in a monotonous voice. Sirius wonders how he does that. 

“Remus… I…” Sirius has a hard time finding the right words. “I am so sorry all of that happened to you. You did not deserve any of that and of course, it was not your fault. Fuck your dad.”

Remus giggles. “Fuck him,” he states with a little smile gracing his lips.

Sirius sits next to him and touches his face, which feels warm under his hand. “I wish I could make it all disappear from your mind. You deserve to be happy.”

“You make me happy,” Remus confesses. Sirius’ grey eyes widen and his heart feels as if it were about to rip out of his chest. “Or at least I think you could. But I need all this nonsense to stop, ok? No more drama. I don’t care what your parents think or do to me. Let’s just… date.”

“Date?” Sirius questions, grinning. “I thought the great Remus Lupin didn’t do relationships.”

“Fuck that Remus Lupin,” the photographer says jokingly. “I am a new Remus now.”

Sirius smirks at him. “Yeah, fuck that Remus Lupin. And the new one, too.”

Before Remus can do or say anything, Sirius is straddling his lap while devouring his mouth into a heated kiss.

* * *

Regulus stares at Kreacher, who is standing with his back to him. The only sound that can be heard is the water running as their servant washes the dishes. 

Regulus plays with the food on his plate – homemade pancakes with strawberries on top – and belatedly puts it away from him, standing up. He notices Kreacher looking at him from the corner of his big, round eyes. 

He walks out of the kitchen and stands in the middle of the corridor, not sure where to go now. He can hear his parents, probably on his mother’s office, talking in loud whispers. 

Regulus is not sure why, but he approaches the door, which, behind it, hides his parents. He presses his ear against it and makes his best effort to listen.

“Please, Walburga, drop it!” He hears Orion exclaim desperately. “Don’t you think we have done enough?”

“This is why you disgust me, Orion. You are weak, just like _him_.” Regulus has lived under his mother’s roof for several years, so there is no doubt that the last word, said with so much venom, was referring to his older brother. “This is why I trust Regulus.”

His heart flutters and he feels his face warm up. “You are going to destroy the only person you trust and that still trusts you, Walburga.” Regulus freezes and presses his ear even harder against the mahogany door in front of him. “Or what do you think? Regulus will not obey your crazy orders forever. And I think making him tell the world that his brother spent years assaulting him will break him.”

A short and broken moan comes out of Regulus’ throat before he can stop it. He quickly walks away, afraid of being caught. He climbs the stairs that lead him to his bedroom and once there, he flops into his bed, breathing hard.

He takes his phone out of his pockets and dials Sirius’ number before he changes his mind. His brother takes his time before answering. When he does, his voice is hoarse.

“What do you want?” Sirius spits and Regulus knows he deserves it. 

But Regulus does not know what he wants. He does not even know why he called his brother, who hates him. Regulus is suddenly aware that he is having a hard time breathing and that everything around him is spinning.

“Tonight,” he states stupidly. 

“What the hell do you mean?” Sirius almost shouts. 

“Tonight… is _my_ big night. Just like yours.” 

He hangs up before his brother has a chance to speak and drops his phone on the floor, which lands with a great thud. Regulus gets up and leaves his bedroom, not bothering to check if it is broken.

* * *

Sirius is genuinely surprised when he sees the long line of people waiting to enter the theatre where his best friend’s play will begin in just a few minutes. As he walks to the door with a very chatty Lily to his right and a smiling Remus to his left, he is left with a pleasant sensation thanks to the exciting murmurs that reach his ears. He knows this is everything James has ever wanted, and being a witness of his dream coming true is almost too good to be true.

“I can’t believe we don’t have to get in line just because you are top models,” Remus jokes as he puts his ticket back in his pocket.

“Surprisingly enough, we didn’t have to get in line because James told them to let us in immediately, not because of how famous your boyfriend is.” Sirius fires back with a fake expression of annoyance in his face.

Lily rolls her eyes and keeps looking for their seats, which are in the front line. He hears whispers directed at them but Sirius remains unfazed, yet when someone wonders – far too loudly – if Remus is the orphan whose mother died and whose father went to jail and feels him freeze, Sirius sends them a dark glare.

They finally sit down. Several minutes go by until the lights go down and James appears in the middle of the stage, the spotlight making his eyes shine brighter than ever before. He notices Lily, whose face is as red as the curtain. She is biting her lip, so hard Sirius is sure she will have a bruise by the end of the play. 

Sirius knows the play is basically James talking to the audience, which is not exactly his thing. Nevertheless, when the first words come out of his best friend’s mouth, he instantly feels goosebumps in his arm.

“What is love?” James screams at the crowd, who look expectantly for an answer. “Is it feeling butterflies in our stomachs? That, my friends, is nonsense.” James locks eyes with Lily. “Love is having the ability to imagine a life without that person, but not wanting to do it."

* * *

“Wow, James!” Remus exclaims – again, Sirius says in his head but smiles at his boyfriend as he traps his waist into a tight embrace. “That was amazing!” James smirks at him and Lily shakes his head with a little giggle losing itself in the roar of the traffic behind them. 

Sirius suddenly stops and James bumps into him, causing the bespectacled boy to shout at him with anger. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I think I want to go to the event Regulus has tonight…”

Lily gasps, though Sirius is not sure if it is because of his unexpected statement or because James nearly ripped her arm off to hit Sirius on the head.

“Are you crazy?” James screams and Sirius shrugs, thinking that the question could easily be answered with a _yes_. “It is obviously a trap!”

“I know but…”

“Actually…” Lily cuts in, making every head turn in her direction. “I think it is a good idea.”

James’ dark eyes widen and blaze with surprise. “Have you gone mad, Lily?”

The redhead flinches, startled by the way James spoke to her. Regaining her composure, she raises her chin and speaks with confidence. “I’ve never told you, Sirius, but I am actually friends with Regulus. There is a reason we do so many photoshoots together and it is because we have great chemistry…”

“I know that…” Sirius chips in, annoyed due to not knowing where all of this is going.

“And that chemistry comes from our friendship. I’ve talked to Regulus, the real one. He has always felt like shit because of all the things he did to you. He has always wanted to leave your parents. Maybe this is it.”

“That’s bullshit!” James hisses.

“It is not!” Lily insists as her cheeks go scarlet with annoyance. “Remember what you told Frank before you exposed your parents, Sirius? That it was going to be a _big night_. Well, no surprise here but Frank is noisy and Regulus must have heard it from him. Now, he is using your own words to let you know that he will do the same.”

Lily is breathless when she finishes. Sirius mind is a mess. Could it be true? Is tonight going to be the night Regulus finally ditches their awful parents? He feels Remus tighten his hold around Sirius’ hand and he knows he does it to show him his support.

“I don’t care what you say, James, now I have to go.”

* * *

Everything is set to be a successful night. His parents are not here and the room is full of people ready to hear some gossip. Now, the only thing missing is Regulus’ bravery. Regulus cannot think of reporters, thirsty for some scandal, without his legs starting to shake.

He is astonished when he sees his brother, along with Potter, Lupin and Lily, entering the room. The eyes of the two brothers meet like two magnets despite the crowd and Regulus is not sure what the expression is in his brother's. He sees the usual disappointment but also a hint of worry. At least Regulus wants to believe it is that.

He walks towards them. Lily spots him and offers him a small smile, which he does not return, already in character. Sirius never loses eye contact and when Regulus finally reaches them, he speaks without acknowledging the other three persons by Sirius’ side.

“Ah, brother,” says Regulus, approaching Sirius even closer, who seems ready to hit him. “Shall we please the crowd?” he asks, stretching one hand out in truce and signalling the great group of people that had quickly surrounded them with the other. Both Black brothers can hear them screaming, losing what little sanity they had left.

Sirius seems to think about it for a moment and then grasps his hand with exaggerated force. He gets so close to him, their breaths become one. “I’m watching you, Regulus.” The warning comes out in a hard and low whisper. “I don’t know what tonight is about. I don’t know if by the end of the night I’ll be proud of you or if I will be disappointed once more, but I won’t let you leave my sight.”

Regulus gifts him a tight smile, although his insides are shaking with anxiety. “Let the show begin, then.”

* * *

Remus grabs his arm and turns him around. Sirius stares at him, his own eyes glowing with desperation. “It is not late if you want to leave.”

Sirius shakes his head and gives him a half-smile. “I need to be here.”

“Then I’ll be right beside you.” Remus kisses his lips, slow and tenderly. Suddenly, all the voices, all the irritating sounds around them fade out. The only things he feels are Remus’ hand on his hair, tugging, and his experienced tongue roaming over his mouth.

They back away right on cue. Regulus is only a few metres away from them and he is surrounded by dozens of reporters, who eagerly push their microphones to his face. When his brother talks, he does it loudly, as if he wants everyone – especially him – to hear.

“All of you have followed my family’s latest events as if it were a soap opera. Let’s say the first episode consisted of my brother exposing – and betraying – my parents…”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He can hear James whisper to Lily, who shushes him.

“Well,” Regulus continues. “I am sorry dad. I am sorry mum. But everything Sirius has said is sadly true.”

Sirius gasps and the rest of the people imitate him. Lily has tears welling up in her green eyes and James’ mouth is wide open. Remus is staring at his boyfriend, a sad expression settled on his face, although he does not look surprised.

“It is true that my brother was hit almost every day of his childhood and teenage years. They indeed wished he was dead when Sirius decided to come out, not only to them but to the press. They have certainly tried for so long to make him my archenemy. I am ashamed to admit that they were successful for a while, but no more. My brother is a brave person I deeply admire and I hope he accepts my apologies.”

The last sentence is said with Regulus looking directly at him, the question lingering in his grey eyes. Sirius nods and the younger Black smiles at him, leaving the puzzled journalists behind him.

Sirius turns to Remus, James and Lily. James is still so shocked he cannot even talk and Lily is not crying anymore, although the traces of her tears are still visible in her crimson cheeks.

“I have to go after him…” He pecks Remus' lips and the corner of the photographer’s mouth quirks up.

Sirius follows Regulus outside. The cold air that hits him as soon as he gets out of the door makes him wish he had grabbed his jacket before. Regulus is standing on the sidewalk as if he were waiting for a cab.

“Regulus…” Sirius says cautiously. He doesn’t turn but Sirius knows he heard him when he sees his whole body halt.

“So, proud or disappointed?”

Sirius smirks. “I’ve never been prouder of someone.”

Regulus finally faces him. Sirius is glad to see him smiling, too. It is a strange thing to see in his face but Sirius could get used to it. “That’s good to hear.” 

“What are you going to do now?” Sirius wonders.

Regulus shrugs his shoulders. “I’ll just go home.”

Sirius’ eyes widen. “Home?” He exclaims with vigour. “Are you nuts? They’ll be there waiting for you.”

“Good,” Regulus mutters.

“Reg, they’ll be furious. Trust me, I’ve been a victim of their fury, you don’t want to try it.”

Regulus does not talk for a minute. “Maybe I deserve their anger,” He states. “Maybe I deserve to suffer what you suffered for so long.”

“No!” Sirius shouts, making Regulus flinch. “Nobody deserves it!”

“Why are you even defending me, Sirius?” Regulus screams back into the deafening sound of the traffic. “I’ve been a terrible brother to you!”

“No, you haven’t. You have been a person with horrible parents who had no choice.”

“You had a choice!”

“We are not the same!” Sirius admits. “You were never treated as bad as I was. It was stupid of me to expect you to run away with me. You had the comforts that I never had. You had their love, even if it was a shitty love.”

Sirius does something unexpected and suddenly Regulus is trapped by his arms, which hold him close into a tight hug. Regulus hugs him back, uneasily. 

“I’ll go with you. I’ll hide and if things get too bad, I’ll get you out of there. I promise.”

* * *

Sirius stays true to his word and hid in the compact broom closet in front of their mother’s office as soon as they got there. He cannot see a thing, the light bulb hanging over his head having burned out a long time ago.

Sirius makes sure not to close the door completely so that he can see what is happening outside the stinking cubicle where he is now.

Eyes narrowed, he watches his brother knocks on the door in front of where Sirius is hiding. The older Black shakes his head, wondering how his brother may have dared to do that, which is clearly a suicide mission.

For a long moment, only silence is heard. Even the typical annoying sounds Kreacher makes non-stop in the kitchen are absent, putting Sirius on alert.

Orion and Walburga finally appear and something inside Sirius burns. His mother has the most awful expression on her face – she seems ready to make Regulus pay. His father, on the other hand, looks as he always does: stupidly neutral. 

“I cannot even look at you,” Walburga spits, yet her eyes do not leave Regulus’ face. “After years of giving you everything and you do this!”

"Years of treating me like a puppet, you mean!" Regulus whispers, fury colouring his voice. "Years of telling me what to do and turning me against the people I love. It's over!"

The first slap echoes throughout the house, like a cursed sound that haunts you all the way. Sirius closes his eyes tight and tries to distract himself. However, traumatic memories pop up in his mind. It is as if for a moment he had teleported to those days of so much misery and pain.

He hears Regulus gasp out in agony. Once more, for several minutes, no sound is heard. The silence of the room makes Sirius’ blood run as cold as the air that creeps through the creak of the door. Then, his mother talks in a menacingly and quiet way, making Sirius shiver.

“Give it to me, Kreacher.”

Sirius walks closer to the door and sees their butler handing Walburga the pole Sirius had seen so many times – but especially the one that he had felt colliding against his skin so many time he lost count.

Sirius knows what she is going to do next and tears well up in his eyes as he is proven right. Walburga caresses Regulus’ face with the pole. Then, she hits him. Regulus cries out this time and Sirius can’t blame him – he has never experienced something more painful than being beaten with it. She hits him again as she yells “traitor” with every ounce of strength she can pour in her voice. 

With each blow, Sirius sees himself in front of his mother, suffering the same torture his brother now suffers. The situation becomes too much to bear and Sirius throws himself to the ground, hugging his knees. He should worry about being as silent as possible, yet he is too lost in his pain to care.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. He takes it out with trembling hands and whimpers when he sees it is Remus calling him. He notices he has several missed calls from James and him, and even from Lily. He hangs up and types a thread of numerous texts:

_Sorry. I cant talk right now_

_He doesnt deserve this_

_I cant move_

Remus reply comes instantly and he can almost hear his voice saying the words he reads.

**What’s wrong? Where are you!? I am worried, Sirius.**

_Cant talk. I love you._

He finally gets up. His legs are shaking – truly his whole body is. His fingers move carefully on the screen of his phone and press the numbers 911 yet he doesn’t call them right away. 

Sirius kicks the door. Walburga stops the pole mid-air and Orion stares at him as he would stare at a ghost. The only thing that can be heard is Regulus whimpering, who is kneeling on the floor. Sirius shows them his cell phone, and his mother’s face reddens with anger.

“What are you doing here?” Walburga screams deafeningly. 

“You are going to let us go or I’ll call the police. I don’t care if you hit me. I could take it as a kid, I can take it now. But let us go.”

Walburga smashes the pole against his face and the too familiar feeling of it greets him. Sirius tries not to flinch and grabs Regulus, making him stand up. His brother’s face is swollen and his lip is broken. Sirius can barely stand the sight and feels his stomach turn.

Walburga attempts to strike at him again, but Orion stops her and commands her to let them go. The woman gazes furiously at her husband, though Sirius does not stay long enough to see what happens next. 

Once outside, Sirius, with an extremely weak Regulus clinging to him, starts walking away from the house that haunts him in his worst nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last one and it will be wild...


End file.
